Month: May 2020

Muscle Building Mania

Table of Contents

Introduction to Body Building

History of Body Building

Basics of Building Muscle

Body Building Facilities

Building A Home Gym

Body Building Routine

Diet and Body Building + Recipes

Dietary Supplements

What About Steroids?

Body Builder Beware

Charting Your BMI

Body Building Tips

Resources

DISCLAIMER: This information is not presented by a medical practitioner and is for

educational and informational purposes only.  The content is not intended to be a

substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  Always seek

the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions

you may have regarding a medical condition.  Never disregard professional medical

advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read.

Since natural and/or dietary supplements are not FDA approved they must be

accompanied by a two-part disclaimer on the product label: that the statement

has not been evaluated by FDA and that the product is not intended to “diagnose,

treat, cure or prevent any disease.”
—————————————————————————————

INTRODUCTION TO BODY BUILDING

This book is an exploration.  We will explore the fascinating history of body building, which can be traced as far back as the 11th Century, up to the 19thCentury when it arrived on the North American scene.

We will explore how to build your body and muscles, body building and weight lifting equipment, the “right” and the “dark” side of dietary supplements as well as the importance of proper nutrition for the serious body builder.

No discussion of body and muscle building would be complete without covering consumer health fraud.  Bogus claims and promises of unrealistic results have been around for decades.  The explosion of marketing on the internet has, unfortunately, created an exponential increase in unsavory providers ready and willing to bilk unsuspecting consumers.

Muscle Mania will explore package labeling and what you should know about before you buy.  The content we cover presents a broad outline rather than substantive personal recommendations.   Nothing within should be construed as  anything more than educational and should never replace medical advicefrom a professional physician.

We will take a look at the different types of exercise equipment that is available to bodybuilders and what considerations you need to keep in mind when shopping for your own equipment or using the services of a gym.

What could be more important than your diet and nutrition?  It’s critical to your success when bodybuilding.  We’ll give you several recipes that are not only prepared specifically for bodybuilders, but that provide you with a breakdown of calories, grams of protein, grams of carbohydrates, grams of fat and the carb-protein-fat percentage ratio.  You will be amazed at just how tasty and nutritious a bodybuilding diet can be.

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THE HISTORY OF BODY BUILDING

Athletes in 11th Century India used to lift carved stone dumbbell weights.  These were called “Nals.”  Oddly enough, they were very

much like modern day fitness equipment.  It is purported that gymnasiums were existent in the same time period and by the 16th Century it is said that body building was one of Indias’ favorite pastimes.

Body building was a mainstay of the athletic subculture of the ancient Greek and later Roman empires.

North Americans were first introduced to body building through the “strongman” at traveling circus sideshows and carnivals in the middle of the 19thCentury.  The first modern Olympics was held in 1896 where there were two weightlifting events.

A German named Eugene Sandow is credited with inventing many of the contemporary body building techniques used even today.  He began his performance with feats of strength even adapting various “poses” that demonstrated his musculature much as modern day body builders do.

Sandow traveled to London in 1899 and opened his first  “Physical Culture Studio.”   A good businessman, he sold products by mail and published his own magazine.  He ultimately created a “chain” of 20 studios throughout England.

Sandow is also credited with the first body building competition.  Called the “Great Competition,” it was held on September 14, 1901.  Held at the Royal Albert Hall, it was a complete sellout attracting hundreds of spectators and causing an immense traffic jam.  Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was one of the 3 judges.

While Sandow was busily creating his studios in England, another legend was gestating in North America.

Born in the Ozarks in 1868, Bernarr Macfadden was frail and sickly as a child.  He learned as a teenager, that he could build health and strength by working outdoors.  By age 25 he was selling exercise equipment and went on to become an icon in the publishing industry building an empire based on health, fitness, nutrition and exercise publications.

Branded as eccentric, flamboyant and a “kook,” he remained fit and active up until his death in 1955.   Unfortunately, his own belief in “self treatment” served to be his undoing waiting too long for treatment of a bladder problem.   Many of his principles are still practiced today and his works appear to be making a “comeback.”

BASICS OF BUILDING MUSCLE

There are as many varied opinions on what “plan” one should follow to build muscle as there are people who have those opinions.   On one thing they do agree, however.  You must have a regimen.

You can begin by defining your objective.  Why are you interested in body building?    What do you hope to accomplish?  What is your ultimate goal?

If this sounds like “Goal Setting 101,” guess what?  It is!  You need to clearly define your “why” before you can move on to “how.”

It’s all about commitment and belief.   There is an abundance of information about how to begin and conduct your journey, but without a burning desire to achieve, you are doomed to inevitable failure.  First things first.

-Before you even think about your exercise routine…

-Before you begin researching a nutritional program…

-Before you shop for supplements…

Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I believe this is possible for me?

Am I willing to focus, commit and do whatever it takes?

If you answered “yes” to these two questions, the seed has been planted and you are ready to begin.

While the details and sequential recommendations for body building vary there are some basic questions that apply to the process no matter what program you choose to follow.

♣ How do I build muscle?

♣ How do I strengthen muscle?

♣ Am I healthy enough to begin a muscle building routine?

♣ What should I eat?

♣ How often should I eat?

♣ Should I eat at different intervals throughout the day?

♣ Is there a specific diet for building muscle?

♣ How many calories should I eat?

♣ Should I take supplements?

In the following chapters we will endeavor to present you with an overview that will assist in preparing you for the launch of your muscle and body building lifestyle.   It is indeed a lifestyle and you must be prepared for the rigors of change, not only to your body, but mentally as well.

You should always check with your doctor before beginning any exercise program.  Lifting too much weight (especially for people with high blood pressure) or doing too many repetitions can be extremely harmful.

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BODY BUILDING FACILITIES AND EQUPMENT

Where do you begin?  Fortunately, there are more choices available today than in any other time in history.   The fitness craze has opened many doors of opportunity and alternatives for the average person seeking a healthier lifestyle.  This is a serendipity for the serious body builder.  The “corner gym” is fast becoming as popular as the “corner pub.”

There was a time when the only “equipment” a serious body builder had were barbells and benches.  Often a trip to the gym meant entering a dark, cave-like atmosphere in a less than desirable area of larger cities.  By contrast, the gyms of today are usually bright, cheerful, open facilities boasting the latest in equipment and amenities.  You can find them in the most upscale neighborhoods and double as popular meeting and greeting places.

Most offer a variety of membership packages and many will offer a brief trial period allowing you to “test” the facility to determine if it meets your needs.

When you do make a decision to join a fitness facility, there are a number of points to consider.

Choosing a quality fitness facility or health club requires caution. The following guidelines can help:

♣ Shop around. Ask friends, coworkers, and your physician for recommendations.

♣ Call several clubs to find ones that match your interests and budget.

♣ Check with the Better Business Bureau for reliability reports on clubs you are considering.

♣ Visit the club at the time of day you will use it.

♣ Talk to members and staff.

♣ Are the hours and location convenient?

♣ Does the club have facilities and services that suit your needs?

♣ Are the equipment, exercise areas, and locker rooms clean and well-maintained?

♣ Is the facility overcrowded?

♣ Does the club limit new membership to prevent future crowding?

♣ Is the atmosphere friendly?

♣ What are the qualifications of the staff?

♣ Do they have appropriate education and training?

♣ Do they take an interest in and assist with individual goals and progress?

♣ Carefully consider the contract. Take a copy home to read thoroughly before signing. Stay away from clubs that pressure you to sign on the spot!

♣ Does the contract list all services and facilities? All oral promises should be written down.

♣ What is the total cost and payment schedule, including enrollment fees and finance charges?

♣ Do some services cost extra?

♣ How long is a membership term? A short-term membership is usually best in case you find yourself unmotivated or the club closes.

♣ Does the contract allow for a try-out period? Will the trial fee be applicable to longer-term membership?

♣ What are your cancellation and refund rights if you move, become disabled, or the club closes?

♣ Does a three-day cancellation policy apply if you change your mind shortly after signing up?

♣ Make sure the club has met state bonding and licensing requirements.

Finally, never sign up with a club that has not yet opened despite any special discounts. And beware if the club asks for your credit card number or deposit check before you have read the contract.

Home Gym Alternative

If you have deep pockets, an alternative to outside facilities is purchasing equipment and building your own home gym.   This can be a very expensive endeavor, but not impossible.

Your best bet is to visit local sports equipment stores to see what is available.  After you get over the “sticker shock” take copious notes on each piece of equipment that will fit your personal program.  If you can afford the individual pieces by all means purchase them.

However, for most new bodybuilders that kind of investment is prohibitive.  A good alternative is to watch for “used” equipment.  The possibilities of obtaining just what you need are very high.

Some of those possibilities are bodybuilders who have moved on to more sophisticated equipment or people who thought they would give bodybuilding a whirl only to find it just wasn’t for them.  Even though we caution people not to spend money on expensive equipment, there are always those who jump into any new venture blindfolded.

Some good places to shop for used equipment, are bulletin boards at local gyms, local newspaper classifieds, Thrifty Nickel and don’t forget yard sales.

Next, we need to take a look at what equipment is available for the bodybuilder home gym and the purpose they serve.

Free Weights

Free weights are the simplest and most cost effective pieces of equipment for the beginning bodybuilder.  Free weights consist of barbells, dumbbells and weight plates.  They are called “free weights” because they have no cables, pins or pulleys.

Available as normal weights or Olympic weights, be advised that Olympic weights are generally much more costly.  The Olympic bar is also “thicker” at the ends to accommodate the larger hole present in Olympic weight plates.

Barbells come in all shapes and sizes.  They consist of a bar that is usually 4’ to 7’ in length and can weigh from 20 to 45 pounds.  Varying weights are attached to the ends of the bar.  The weights are attached using collars or sleeves.  You can find barbells in a “fixed collar” design.  This prevents the weights from sliding off the end of the bar, but they are limiting as the weights cannot be removed.  With adjustable collars you can add and remove weights to suit your own purposes.

The longer 7’ bar that is generally referred to as an Olympic bar can hold 500 to 1500 pounds.  As mentioned, these are usually more costly.  There are also other Olympic “specialty” bars available that are designed for specific purposes such as biceps and triceps.

The weight plates that fit the ends of the bar come in standard increments of:

2 1/2 pounds

5 pounds

10 pounds

25 pounds

50 pounds

If you stick with cast iron weights you are pretty much guaranteed that the weights will remain constant over time as opposed to those that are plastic encased or other metals that could warp over time.

If planning to go with the “home gym” sticking with standard weights is probably best for you.  One of the advantages is that you can find standard weights available as a “package” that will include your bars, weights and collars.  Most standard weight packages also come with dumbbells.

You will also need to have a weight bench.  There are varying types of benches.  You can find adjustable types that you can set for different inclines.  This is a good buy because by adjusting the incline or decline, you can create a number of different exercises to work out different muscle groups.

Multistation Machines

There is no getting around it.  When you begin looking at high end equipment, you can pretty much bet that you are going to have to spend quite a bit of money.  These are often referred to as “home gyms.”

This piece of equipment is multi-purpose and able to serve more than one person at a time.  They are designed with multiple work stations and the exercises are ones that can’t be done with barbells such as leg curls, lat pull downs, leg extensions, and cable movements.

Some things you need to take under consideration with this type of equipment is the size.  Do you have sufficient space to house a multistation machine?  They are pretty much stationery and not designed for portability.  Cost is another factor as well as who will be using the machine.  If it will be used by more than one individual the cost effectiveness of such equipment increases if you are weighing the purchase against joining a club.

Obvious advantages are that you and your partner can both use the equipment simultaneously and there is the added convenience of having the ability to train in your own home.

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Variable Resistance Machines

What are variable resistance machines?  Think Nautilus® or Bowflex®.  Both are variable resistance machines that provide an alternative to free weight training.

The primary advantage is the constant resistance in the range of movement for the muscle group you are training.  Another huge advantage over traditional weight training is that by working with constant resistance, you make the muscle stronger and you do it much faster than the traditional method.

This type of training also lets you deliver exactly the amount of exercise you desire to whatever specific muscle group you are working.  There is the benefit of working that resistance through a greater range of movement as you can reduce your training time.

Variable resistance can be added to your free weight training routines to get much bigger and do it much faster.

Portability can be another advantage.  These pieces of equipment tend to take up less space and many can be easily broken down in just one or two steps for storage convenience when not in use.

As far as which is better, free weights or variable resistance, it all depends on what your personal preferences might be.  If you have established your budget and your goals, throwing variable resistance machines into the mix might be an option.

Regardless of which options you choose, let me remind you to shop around before spending too much money.  There’s a good chance you can find used equipment that is just right for your purposes.

BODY BUILDING ROUTINE

What routine or regime you select is dependent on several factors, age, sex, goals and overall physical fitness.   There is no such thing as “one routine fits all.”

Without getting too technical for purposes of our overview here, let’s take a very simple, straightforward approach.

Generally speaking, it is recommended to do three sets of ten repetitions on each exercise you select.  Beginners need to stick to a routine for at least 3 months of regular training.  During this time it is important to follow a plan of good diet and nutrition.  The recipes found elsewhere in this document are a great place to start.

Whatever exercises you plan to follow, you should always start off by warming up.   Warm up exercises should be aerobic in nature which should include running on the treadmill, jogging , or skipping for a period of about  10-15 minutes. The overall warm up time should last between 15-20 minutes. Always remember that a warmed up body responds faster and there is less chance of injury (like muscle catch, tear, pull, etc). Warm up results in an increase in the pulse and the heart- rate.

Many factors go in to the finalization of the routine for a bodybuilder, such as the current health condition, the goal and the number of days in a week the bodybuilder is going to visit the gym.

For example, if the bodybuilder visits the gym 6 days a week, then the schedule will be of one kind. Whereas, if the bodybuilder works out three times a week, then the schedule is likely to be more intense.

However do keep in mind that no schedule should be for a long term. The long term goal should be broken down in to short and mid term targets – and the routine should be devised accordingly. Thus one short term schedule may be for 3 days a week followed by a 6 day week routine, depending on the condition and the rate of development/growth.

A good beginner routine might be to start off using a bar that is light enough to handle comfortably.  Don’t begin by using equipment that is not appropriate for a beginner.  The only thing that may result is an overall feeling that exercise is “too hard.”  Work up to your routine gradually.

A beginner’s session should initially cover the major muscle groups.  Start off with the two hands barbell press.  This is productive for developing the upper and lower arms, shoulders and back.  Because it isn’t the easiest exercise it should begin first when strength is at the highest.  This exercise is intended for the deltoids and triceps.

A second exercise might be the two hands curl with barbell.  This will work the biceps situated at the front of  the arms , in contrast to the triceps at the back of the arms exercised earlier. The biceps is conventionally the muscle which all desire to develop and is usually already one of the beginner’s strongest.

A third exercise to consider is the bench press.  The lift lies on the back and is handed the bar which is then lowered to the chest.  This exercise primarily works the pectorals but also exercises the triceps and deltoids like the first exercise.

The fourth exercise is upright rowing where the barbell is raised with a narrow hand spacing to the region of the chin, lowered to arms’ length and the movement repeated. This is generally for the trapezius muscles (which lie between the neck and the shoulder socket on top of the shoulders)- so a different muscle is targeted this time.

There are many sources available to help you determine what “routine” is best for you.  Here is one that we found, but be aware that it isn’t the only option available nor the only one you should use. Let us see how a 5 day week routine might look:

Monday

♣ Behind Neck Shoulder Press: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Upright Row: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Incline Dumbbell Press: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Bench Press: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Crunches: 3 sets 6-10 repetitions

Tuesday

♣ Close Grip Lat Pull down: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Close Grip Seated Pulley Row: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Seated Calf Raise: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Reverse Wrist Curl: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

Wednesday

♣ Squats: 5 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Leg Press: 5 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Leg Curl: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

Thursday

♣ Close Grip Bench Press: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Tricep Dip: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Dumbbell Shrug: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Standing Calf Raise: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

Friday

♣ Pull Ups: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ E-Z Bar Curl: 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Hammer Curl 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

♣ Crunches: (with weight) 4 sets 6-10 repetitions

As we said, there are a number of training programs available for bodybuilders and this is just one.

There are other factors to look at before selecting one for yourself.  Let’s explore them:

♣ Has the program been experimentally tested?

♣ Are there specific goals, training loads, progressive monitoring and recovery periods in the program routine?

♣ Does the program specify what types of people are eligible for it?

Only after going through them should the bodybuilder enroll for the routines of such a program.

YOUR DIET AND BODY BUILDING

Everything you have learned thus far will not provide desired results without the proper nutrition.  Many novice body builders are under the false impression that the more you eat the better.

This is totally false.  Your body building regimen needs to include the proper balance of calories, protein, carbohydrates and fat.   Extra protein along with other essentials are important to compensate for the calories you burn during your workout.  Other necessities for good nutrition for the bodybuilder are Calcium, Iron, Magnesium and Sodium to name a few.

It is believed that protein works well for a bodybuilder if it is combined with carbohydrates when taken.  While at least 200 grams of carbohydrates taken daily are required to adequately accommodate the protein intake, a 200 pound bodybuilder should take in 300 grams.  More carbohydrates than protein for each meal facilitates the absorption of the protein.

We all know that milk, egg, meat, soy, casein and whey are good sources of protein.  A bodybuilder need not sacrifice quality in his daily meal planning.  Just to prove it, here are several recipes that meet all the requirements of nutrition for an active bodybuilder without sacrificing taste.

Indonesian Chicken (Serves 2)

Ingredients

8 oz Boneless raw chicken breast, broilers or fryers

1 cup chopped raw onion

1/2 cup Jalapeno raw sliced

5 cups raw shredded cabbage

2 cups sliced raw red pepper

2 cups 1% fat cows milk

4 tsp cornstarch

5 tsp extra virgin olive oil

6 cloves raw garlic

2 tsp raw ginger root

1 tsp tumeric ground

1 tsp Coriander leaf (dried cilantro, chinese parsley)

1 tsp curry powder

Directions

In non stick saute pan combine onion, jalapeno pepper,

spices, milk and chicken. Poach (lightly simmer) until

chicken is done. Mix cornstarch with a little water to dissolve

the add to pan an cook for 3-5 minutes. In a separate

pan cook cabbage and red peppers in oil until tender. Divide

cabbage between 2 plates and top with chicken. Serve

immediately

Nutritional Information

Calories (Per Serving) – 475.5

Protein (g) – 39.5

Carbohydrates (g) – 45

Fat (g) – 16.5

Carb – Protein – Fat % Ratio: 37-33-30

Chocolate Banana Protein Bars – 8 Bars

Ingredients

300 g raw banana

1 tsp ground cinnamon

2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder

3 large chicken egg whites raw

4 oz non fat milk

200g 100% whole grain old fashioned oatmeal

1/3 cup splenda

1 tbsp Udo’s choice oil blend

60 g Designer Whey Chocolate flavour ( or equivalent

brand)

Directions

Mix ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Pour into non stick

cake pan.Bake at 300 for 25 minutes or until firm, leave

until cooled slightly then cut to size. We have made these

into 8 small bars, but you could easily make into 4 larger

ones, with double the protein , so around 23g protein per

bar. If you don’t want the fat replace the Udo’s oil with

unsweetened applesauce. It will taste just as good and still

retain the moist but firm texture.

Nutritional Information

Calories (Per bar) : 188.32

Protein (g) : 11.05

Carbohydrates (g) : 27.94

Fat (g) : 4.56

Carb – Protein – Fat % Ratio: 57-22-21

Cheesey Scrambled Eggs

Ingredients

4 tbsp 4% (borden) cottage cheese

150 grams cucumber w/peel raw

4 large egg whites

2 whole eggs

1/8 cup of 2% natural reduced fat mozzarella cheese,

shredded.

30 grams raw mushroom

15 grams black oilves

10 grams onion, scallions

1/2 tsp pepper red or cayenne

1 cup raw spinach

Directions

Blend or beat 4 egg whites with 2 whole eggs. Add cottage cheese, salt, red papper. (I like to blend the two together, Thunderstick is good for this) I use Pam in a non stick pan (butter if you prefer).Preheat the pan, pour in the eggs, when the eggs start to cook, add chopped olives, onions, and mushrooms. Cook the eggs how you like scrambled eggs. Just before you remove the eggs, melt in the mozzarella cheese. I eat the eggs on a bed of baby spinach and sliced cucumbers.

Nutritional Information per serving

Calories : 356

Protein (g) : 38

Carbohydrates (g) : 12

Fat (g) : 16.5

Carb – Protein – Fat % Ratio: 14-44-43-21

Fish Sandwich

INGREDIENTS

1 looseleaf of lettuce

2 slices mult-grain oat bread

3 0z orange roughy cooked

1 slice tomato red, ripe , raw approx 1/2” thick

DIRECTIONS

None.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION

Calories : 323

Protein (g) : 24

Carbohydrates (g) : 51

Fat (g) : 3.5

Carb – Protein – Fat % Ratio: 61-29-10

Spicy Turkey Chili

(4 servings)

INGREDIENTS

6 oz boneless raw chicken breast, broilers or fryers

3.5 cups Turkey Breast (HoneySuckle White)

822 grams Stewed Tomatoes, Cajun, (del monte)

16 oz Tomato Sauce (Hunt’s)

4 oz Old El paso green chilies chopped

1 medium raw onion 2.5” diameter approx

10.5 tbsp McCormick/Shillin, chili seasoning.

DIRECTIONS

1. In large sauce pan combine all ingredients.

2. Simmer for 30 minutes

3. Remove from heat and serve hot with shredded cheese.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION (PER SERVING)

Calories : 319

Protein (g) : 43

Carbohydrates (g) : 33

Fat (g) : 3

Carb – Protein – Fat % Ratio: 40-52-8

Beef Chop Suey

(2 servings)

INGREDIENTS

6 large egg whites

7 oz beef eye , fat trimmed.

3 cups Danish raw cabbage

2.5 stripes raw celery

2 cusp raw mushroom, sliced or pieces

1.5 cups mature soybean

2 cusp water chestnut , chinese canned

1.5 cups chopped raw onion

2 tsp olive oil

2 tbsp apple cider vinegar

1 tbsp soy sauce

1/2 cup broth bouillin canned, ready to serve , beef.

DIRECTIONS

In non stick pan, place 1 tsp olive oil and beef. Cook until beef is done. In another pan while beef is cooking add 2 tsp olive oil, cabbage, celery, mushrooms, sprouts, water chestnuts, vinegar and onion. Cook until entire mixture is hot, then add soy sauce, beef stock and cooked beef. Cook for 5-10 minutes to blend flavors. Place equal amounts on two plates and serve hot

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION (PER SERVING)

Calories : 471.5

Protein (g) : 37

Carbohydrates (g) : 50

Fat (g) : 17.6

Carb – Protein – Fat % Ratio: 40-29-31

Spicy French ‘Un’ Fries

(4 servings)

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 cup raw onion

2 large potatoes approx 4” diameter

2 servings mazola, cooking oil spray

1/2 tsp fresh ground chili pepper (laurel leaf)

1 tsp garlic salt (Lawry’s).

DIRECTIONS

Cut potatoes lengthwise (like French Fries). Preheat oven at 375 degrees. Combine garlic salt and red chili pepper (adjusting amounts to suit your taste). Arrange the potato strips in a single layer in a glass baking dish. Coat the potatoes with the vegetable oil spray. Flip them over and spray the other side. Sprinkle with garlic salt and red pepper seasoning. Bake at 375 degrees for one hour. Note: A serving of the spay oil is a 2.5 second spray.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION (PER SERVING)

Calories : 53

Protein (g) : 4

Carbohydrates (g) : 10

Fat (g) : 1.5

Carb – Protein – Fat % Ratio: 67-25-8

Strawberry and Banana Oatmeal

INGREDIENTS

1/2 cup steel-cut oats

1/3 cup oat bran

3/4 cup frozen or fresh strawberries

1 medium banana, sliced

1.5 scoops strawberry or vanilla whey protein powder

Water, as directed

1⁄4 teaspoon salt

Dash of cinnamon (big dash)

DIRECTIONS

In the evening, prepare the oats in the same manner as the Blueberry Oatmeal recipe. Again in the morning, bring the oats to a simmer and add the banana, salt, cinnamon, and oat bran. Keep stirring and simmer until you have the desired consistency (10 minutes or so), remove from heat, and stir-in the strawberries and protein powder.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION (PER SERVING)

Calories : 696

Protein (g) : 50

Carbohydrates (g) : 115

Fat (g) : 11

As you can see, eating healthy for the bodybuilder need not be tortuous!

Dietary Supplements

If you expected to find a list of recommended dietary supplements, you will not find it here.  Requirements for supplementation is unique to every individual and that includes bodybuilders.

We will give you some “food for thought.”

Magazines, web sites and other publications that present certain supplements as the “be all and end all” for good nutrition are usually funded and/or sponsored by companies that manufacture. . .guess what?  Yep, supplements.  Our position is that right or wrong, any information that is presented by an entity funded by such companies presents a genuine conflict of interest.

It is for that reason that we recommend that you take your advice on supplements from your personal physician or a licensed dietician who is familiar with sports wellness and the bodybuilder lifestyle.

As a bodybuilder you are told that supplements can help you to gain weight, build muscles and in strength training.  There is no “magic pill” that will guarantee results, yet there are thousands of advertisements making truly outrageous claims.  The truth is that no amount of supplements is a replacement for a healthy, nutritious diet.

Again, our recommendation is to consult with your physician, do your own research and due diligence before adding supplements to your daily regimen.

If you determine that dietary supplements are appropriate for you, and you don’t feel the importance of consulting with your physician or dietician, there are some guidelines you can use to insure that you are ingesting exactly what you are purchasing.

In the United States, The Food and Drug Administration (FDA), has stringent laws about packaging guidelines for supplements.  Some things you should follow when shopping for supplements include what the packaging must show:

Name of the product

Quantity

Directions for use

Supplement facts panel (serving size, amount, and active ingredient.

Other ingredients

Name and address of maker, packer or distributor.  Write to this address for more product information.

Medicine/Narcotics

Narcotics and dangerous drugs, including anabolic steroids, are prohibited entry and there are severe penalties if imported.

WHAT ABOUT STEROIDS?

No discussion of bodybuilding would be complete without addressing anabolic steroids and, just as important, their so-called alternatives.

Barely a day goes by that you don’t hear about yet another well-known athletic exposed as a user of steroids.  Use of steroids for the purpose of bodybuilding or other sports related enhancement is illegal in the United States.

Anabolic steroids are considered a “controlled substance” and any unlawful use is punishable by law.  Period.  We won’t discuss this further here.

Unfortunately, there are a disreputable few who have managed to find other chemicals that perform in a similar way but are not “technically” anabolic steroids.

This is very dangerous practice.  Some of those alternatives include prescriptions, veterinary, investigational, unapproved drugs and some dietary supplements.

Those described as dietary supplements can be very dangerous as they are regulated as foods instead of drugs.  Because of this, there is no information to substantiate their use by bodybuilders nor any data on short or long term effects.

It is very easy to be defrauded by some of these so-called supplements.  They can make claims that lead the bodybuilder to believe that they will accomplish miracles lie building muscle, promoting testosterone and so on.  The truth is they do not.

In fact the government conducted a 10 year study and collected more than 3,000 drug samples over the “black market.”

What they found was that many of the samples were not steroids at all, but other potentially more dangerous, prescription drugs.

The sad thing is that many of these are popular among teenagers.

Here is a list of some potential health effects of drugs and other substances-ranging from the mildest to the most severe-used as alternatives to anabolic steroids:

* greasy skin

* headache

* severe acne

* premature balding

* bloating associated with water retention

* dizziness

* chills

* drowsiness

* nausea

* vomiting

* muscle tremors

* fever

* fast heart rate

* slowed heart rate

* bloody diarrhea

* seizure-like movements

* lowered blood pressure

* breathing difficulty

* breathing cessation

* blood clots

* cardiovascular problems

* liver disease

* cancer

* heart attack

* stroke

* death

BODY BUILDER BEWARE

Nothing since the wheel was discovered has had a greater impact on people than the internet.  It is a vast, never ending source of pleasure, entertainment, information and shopping.  Especially in the area of health, information abounds.

But, as everything in life, there is a downside.  Beware of charlatans.  They are ready and more than willing to bilk you of your hard earned dollars.

Take what you learn and do your homework.  Don’t be misled by so-called guarantees and claims to “give you the body you desire in less than 30 days.”  These claims are, for the most part, bogus.

There are no true miracle pills or creams that will turn you into a “muscle bound super human” overnight.

Nothing takes the place of time and effort.  If you are a beginning bodybuilder, realize that it took you “x” number of years to create the body you currently have.  It is impossible to reverse the process in 30, 60 or even 90 days.

Remember at the beginning of this guide we discussed goal setting?  Your bodybuilding effort begins with the six inches between your ears. . .your attitude.  If you approach this new adventure with unrealistic intentions you will be sadly disappointed.

Currently there is an advertisement running on television that sums this up very well.  It displays an obviously overweight fellow at a gym.  He steps on the scale and the picture changes to read the display.  It reads 249 pounds.  The fellow steps off the scale, waves his arms about, takes a deep breath and proceeds to run around a few pieces of equipment, ending up back at the scale.  He steps back on and the display once again reads 249 pounds.

Ridiculous?  Of course.  No one in their right frame of mind would expect results with that picture in mind.  Yet, it is a very graphical portrayal of how we can have totally unrealistic expectations.

As much as we would like “instantaneous results” it just isn’t going to happen.  Anyone who leads you to believe otherwise does not have your best interests in mind.  More than likely their primary concern is their wallet.  Buyer beware.

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BODY BUILDING TIPS

Just like routines, this document is not intended to be a “one size fits all.”  Take from it what you will, but please remember that what is most important is your health and well being.  In that light, consider the following list:

♣ Before beginning any serious weight lifting or body building regimen, consult your physician.

♣ Set your goals.  Define what you expect to achieve with your new bodybuilding campaign within a realistic time frame.  If you create goals that are unattainable you are setting yourself up for failure.  You can become bored, disappointed and disillusioned to the point where you may give up.  This is a very sad outcome to what might have been the best decision of your life.  Don’t sell yourself short.  Set your long term goals, of course, but also set short term goals that are achievable.  And, don’t forget to reward yourself when you do achieve them.

♣ Consider the costs.   If you don’t already have a budget, create one.  Then, determine what amount of discretionary funds you have available for your bodybuilding program.  This will determine whether you can afford to have a home gym or if your needs would better be served by joining a club.  Joining a club is still a good short term introduction before spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on equipment that might not be appropriate for your needs.

♣ Don’t forget some of the low cost alternatives to purchasing your bodybuilding equipment.  If used equipment is still functional why spend the extra dollars just for a little glitz!  Good, brand name used equipment is every bit as functional as something right off a showroom floor.

♣ Consider combining a home gym along with a membership in a public facility.  Purchase less expensive free weight equipment for use at home and join a gym to have access to the more expensive equipment.  You can design your entire workout routines around a combination such as this.

♣ Eat healthy!  This can’t be stressed enough.  The only true bodybuilding aids are good nutrition.  Consult a licensed dietician.  Watch your local community calendar for free seminars on diet and nutrition.  Learn all you can about what nature freely provides that can help you to develop a healthy diet.

♣ If you choose to use dietary supplements, make certain that you know what you are putting in your body.  Follow the packaging guidelines we outlined above.  Ask your physician for his/her recommendations based on the regimen you have selected.  No friend, coach or acquaintance can take the place of your physician.  In fact, you may even investigate finding a physician who specializes in sports wellness.

♣ Be kind to yourself.  Yes, it’s important to push to achieve your goals, but it’s very easy to tip the scales in the other direction and create a nightmare for yourself.  Obsessive, compulsive behaviors are not conducive to a healthy bodybuilding lifestyle.

We wish you a healthy and happy journey on your road to weightlifting and bodybuilding.  Put the suggestions and recommendations to work and you are well on the way to building the body you can be proud of!

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Healthy Dating & Relationship Tips

Table of Contents

Introduction To Relationships

Back to Basics: Body Language Briefing

ABC’s of Healthy, Happy Relationships

ABC’s of Unhealthy, Sad Relationships

Dating & Relationship Resources

Dating & Relationship Tips

Online Dating

Lowdown on Long Lasting Love

Self-Help Guide

Addendum: Generic Budget Worksheet

DISCLAIMER: This information is not presented by a medical practitioner and is for

educational and informational purposes only.  The content is not intended to be a

substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  Always seek

the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions

you may have regarding a medical condition.  Never disregard professional medical

advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read.

Since natural and/or dietary supplements are not FDA approved they must be

accompanied by a two-part disclaimer on the product label: that the statement

has not been evaluated by FDA and that the product is not intended to “diagnose,

treat, cure or prevent any disease.”

———————————————————————

Introduction To Dating & Relationships

In this guide, the Dating and Relationships content discussed focuses on traditional male/female relationships. For supplemental material and resources with regards to significant others in same- gender relationships, simply key in words or phrases pertaining to the information you seek into your favorite search engine directory.

This guide presents an overall look at the basics of relationships and dating, both in the real world and online. Since the latest reports show that nearly everyone can learn the most important social skills needed for relationship building, this guide focuses on the ABC’s of Healthy Relationships. And so that you can be alerted to possible problem areas, the ABC’s of unhealthy relationships is also covered.

For help, support, a shoulder to cry on, for fun and to meet new people and interact with others, sections follow that offer support groups, organizations, programs, tips, self-help and other resources.

Since Dating and Relationships are such a large, important part of everyday life, this ebook strives to help clear up myths from facts and present an overview of surrounding issues. It includes information along with a variety of helpful tips and resources available based upon the most recent studies, research, reports, articles, findings, products and services available, so that you can learn more about Dating and Relationships.

Note that the contents here are not presented from a medical practitioner, and that any and all health care planning should be made under the guidance of your own medical and health practitioners. The content within only presents an overview of Dating and Relationships research for educational purposes and does not replace medical advice from a professional physician.

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Back to Basics 

Let’s take a peak at some of the more common concepts above “love” relationships and see if they are myths or based upon reality.

“All we need is love.” Myth or not? Since love does seem to be able to overcome anything and everything, at least on television and at the movies, this seems like a reality. However, truth is, making relationships work takes skill and hard work, regardless of the “love” factor. This is a myth here.

Just like in fairy tales, once true love is found, people live happily ever after. Truth or myth? Granted couples can look into each other’s eyes and have those warm fuzzy feelings. However, truth is, all couples will have their ups and downs. “Happily ever after” seems to imply a perfect, problem-less relationship when in reality, those don’t exist.

It has to be “love at first sight” in order to work long-term. Myth or truth? While this can be true for some, it certainly doesn’t have to be for all couples in long-term relationships. Many people grow together over time.

Since practically anyone can learn the nuts and bolts of relationship building, focusing on some basic techniques that can be learned is a must. The main ones, in no particular order, are:

– Read: “Read” people well.

– Rapport: Develop rapport with others well.

– Finesse: Have some finesse; i.e. handle conversations and activities in a cordial manner

– Conflict Resolution: Resolve negative issues and conflicts without too much friction

– Support Co-Op: Gain the support and cooperation in working towards a common goal

Let’s take a little closer look at each and what learning is involved.

READING PEOPLE: BODY LANGUAGE BRIEFING

Body language is the meaning behind the words or the “unspoken” language. Surprisingly, studies show that only up to an estimated 10 percent of our communication is verbal. The majority of the rest of communication is unspoken. This unspoken language isn’t rocket science. However, there are some generalizations or basic interpretations that can be applied to help with the understanding or translating of these unspoken meanings. Here are some basics below.

Smile – People like warm smiles. Think of a heartfelt warm-fussy, maybe your favorite pet, and smile.

Eyes – -If you don’t look someone in the eyes while speaking, this can be interpreted as dishonesty or hiding something. Likewise, shifting eye movement or rapid changing of focus/direction can translate similarly. If more than one person is present in a group, look each person in the eye as you speak, slowly turning to face the next person and acknowledge him or her with eye contact as well. Continue on so that each person has felt your warm, trusting glance. Some suggest beginning with one person and moving clockwise around the group so that no one is missed, and so that you are not darting around, seemingly glaring at people.

Attention Span / Attitude – Other people can tell what type attitude you have by your attention span. If you quickly lose focus of the other person and what is being said, and if your attention span wanders, this shows through and makes you seem disinterested, bored, possibly even uncaring.

Attention Direction – If you sit or stand so that you are blocking another in the party, say someone is behind you, this can be interpreted as rude or thoughtless. So be sure to turn so that everyone is included in the conversation or angle of view, or turn gently, at ease and slowly, while talking, so that everyone is incorporated, recognized and involved in the conversation. Again some suggest the clockwise movement when working a group.

Arms Folded / Legs Crossed– This can be seen as defensive or an end to the conversation. So have arms hang freely or hold a glass of water, a business card or note taking instruments while communicating with others. Be open with open arms.  Note: If you need to cross legs, cross at your ankles and not your knees. Sitting tightly folded up says that you are closed to communications.

Head Shaking – This is fairly accurate. If people are shaking their heads while you speak, they are in agreement. If they are shaking, “no,” disagreement reigns in their minds.

Space / Distance – On the whole, people like their own personal body space. Give people room and keep out of their space. Entering to close can be intrusive and viewed as aggressive.

Leaning – Sitting or standing, leaning is viewed as interest. In other words, an interested listener leans toward the speaker.

Note others’ body language – While you are with others, note how their bodies read. If a person suddenly folds his arms across his chest and begins shaking his head “no,” you’ve probably lost him. Might try taking a step back and picking up where the conversation began this turn for the negative and regroup. It’s all about strategic planning!

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DEVELOPING RAPPORT

Now let’s take a quick peak at the basics of developing rapport with others. In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask questions, have a positive, open attitude, encourage an open exchange of communications (both verbal and unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and share positive feedback. Here are a few details on each step.

Ask Questions – Building report is similar to interviewing someone for a job opening or it can be like a reporter seeking information for an article. Relax and get to know the other person with a goal of finding common ground or things of interest. You can begin by simply commenting on the other person’s choice of attire, if in person, or about their computer, if online, and following up with related questions. For example, in person, you could compliment the other person on their color choice and or maybe a pin, ring or other piece of jewelry and ask where it came from. In online communications, you could compliment the other person’s font, smile faces or whatever they use, mention that the communication style seems relaxed and ask if he or she writes a lot. Then basically follow up, steering clear of topics that could entice or cause arguing, while gradually leading the person to common ground you’d like to discuss.

Attitude – have a positive attitude and leave social labels at home (or in a drawer, if you’re at home). Many people can tell instantly if you have a negative attitude or if you feel superior. So treat other people as you would like to be treated. And give each person a chance.

Open Exchange – Do encourage others to share with you. Some people are shy, scared or inexperienced in communicating and welcome an opportunity to share. So both with body language and verbal communication invite an exchange. Face the other person with your arms open, eyes looking into theirs gently (not glaring or staring), and encourage a conversation with a warm smile.

Listen – Be an active listener. Don’t focus your thoughts on what YOU will say next. Listen to what the other person is saying and take your clues from there, while also noting the body language. For example, if the other person folds his arms and sounds upset, you may need to change the subject or let him have some space and distance; maybe even try approaching him later on and excusing yourself to go make a phone call (of head to the buffet table or somewhere to escape). On the other hand, if the other person is leaning towards you, following your every word and communicating with your as if you were old friends, BINGO. You’ve built rapport!

Share – People like compliments. So hand them out freely without over doing it. Leaving a nice part of yourself like a compliment is a good memory for the other person to recall – -numerous times. That’s good rapport. But do be sincere! False compliments aren’t easily disguised.

FUNDAMENTALS OF FINESSE

Basically using finesse in handling relationships means use subtle skill, tact or diplomacy when handling a situation. This doesn’t mean you need to use fancy, flowery phrases or lengthy 10-letter words or anything. It means focusing on the positive in a friendly way, and not embarrassing the other person.

For instance, finesse means not telling a host that he or she has body odor or that his or her house is looks and smells like a trash dump. Instead, it means politely excusing yourself upon entering, and informing the host of an unplanned meeting that came up or family member who dropped by unexpectedly, and that you wanted to drop by for a quick “Hello” to thank the host for the invitation before rushing off to your appointment. Keep things simple here, smile and think, “James Bond” with that English gentleman concept.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

How do you handle conflicts? If you can put your ego aside pretty much and try to keep friction to a minimum, your relationships should move along fairly smoothly. Where you feel disagreement, if you can “agree” to disagree on certain things with the other party involved, that will help, too. In short, conflict resolution means to pretty much deal with others as you would want them to deal with you.

For example, let’s look at fictitious John and Mary, out on their first date at a restaurant. A drunk man passes by their table and accidentally spills Mary’s glass of water. John gets upset and says something along the lines of, “That makes me mad! I hate drunks. They should all be put in jail.”

Mary, on the other hand, who has an alcoholic father (unknown as this point to John), may feel embarrassed and saddened by John’s revelation and get quiet, giving only brief “yes” or “no” answers from that point on.

Hopefully, John picks up on this. He can use finesse and conflict resolution and say, “Mary, I’m sorry for my outburst and really didn’t mean that. Actually, a drunk driver caused an accident that I read about recently, and I’d really like to learn about alcoholism and understand it more.”

A statement like this could help ease the conversation into a more productive stage. Then instead of having an argument about social versus addictive drinking and possibly ending or breaking up the relationship because of conflict, the relationship between two people could actually develop a little farther along or deepen. And John and Mary could both learn more about each other and broaden their perspectives in the process.

SUPPORT CO-OP

Relationships may begin with just two people, but more people eventually become involved. Work friends and associates, family members, old school chums and various other assorted persons interact daily, so gaining the support and cooperation in working towards a common goal is a plus in relationship building.

To put this into perspective, we can look at John and Mary again. If John gets along fine with Mary, but can’t be in a room for 10 minutes with her dad or the rest of her family and friends, the relationship will probably eventually bottom out; i.e. not grow. However, if John can help build some type of relationship with them as Mary does, like joining and participating in a holiday meal celebration, that is a plus and can help build and grow a more solid relationship.

In summary, by learning to use more of these “nuts and bolts” of relationship building, focusing on some of these basic techniques can help build and grow relationships. More can be learned about each technique by simply heading to the local library or typing in the technique into your favorite search engine. Forget that, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” saying. We’re not dogs. And humans CAN learn – at any age!

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ABC’s of Healthy, Happy Relationships

For Healthy, Happy Relationships, here are some basic guidelines for reference. They are in alphabetical order only, not order of importance.

Acceptance – Don’t try to change someone. This is a must. If a person really wants to change, that person will need to be motivated and take action. Period. Also regarding acceptance, accept limitations. He is not Superman; you are not Wonder woman. No one is perfect; so do not expect perfection. Accept the little flaws that come with each person. You accept theirs; they accept yours. That’s life!

Bonding – Bonding with another person generally does take time. Communicate – talk, listen, share the good and the bad, ask questions, compliment instead of nag or insult. In short be a friend; make a friend. That is healthy. If this bonding is lacking, it may mean professional help is needed (like a counselor or therapist) or it may be time to move on to healthier relationships.

Communications – Be open to the other person. Check judgmental attitudes at the door. And give chances. Be fair, flexible and friendly. If and when things get out of hand and it is your fault, apologize and ask forgiveness and move on. Similarly, be acceptable to apologies and grant forgiveness, too. Life is too short to stay focused on the negative too long. No need to deny it; face it, deal with it and move on past it to improve and strengthen your relationships.

Dependable – Be a friend; i.e. be dependable. Things happen from time to time and cancellations are a part of life. But on the whole, if you say you’ll do something, do it. Take responsibility for your own actions.

Expectations – Movies, romance novels and television shows often portray life, especially human relationships, very differently than it is in the real world – this is no secret. How many people really always look like movie stars, have zero health ailments, endless income without hardly ever going to work, fabulous cars and homes, friends and family who totally adore them and come to their beckon call, no long-term problems because they all end so quickly, etc.?  And who can battle serious issues like one person having an affair with someone else, and wrap the whole storyline up in two hours? Get real. Expect a little less than the media portray and learn more about humans by joining the real world scenario.

Flexible – Keep a little mystery in the relationship. Juggle your schedule and invite the other person to a surprise picnic or walk at a local public park area.

Goals –  People usually have some goals together over time. Develop some together. Toss what no longer works, what you outgrew or what may no longer seem important or is finished. And then inherit or create new goals. Working toward a common cause like saving for an annual vacation or a new garden area can help people grow together.

Health – Take care of your own health and encourage others, too. Even in this day and age of cable television with movies and the Internet available 24 / 7, it’s still amazing the number of people out there who can’t “Just say no” to unhealthy behaviors like smoking and drug abuse. Don’t be afraid to share your healthy views and encourage healthy choices and living.

Intimacy – Closeness with a person takes time to develop. And there’s more to intimacy than physical contact. Intimacy can mean a hug during a tough time, a smile of encouragement in the face of adversity and compassion when you least feel like giving. Don’t abuse or take advantage or the other person. And don’t let yourself be abused or taken advantage of. Intimacy takes commitment and sharing.

Just say no – You don’t always have to be voiceless or agree with someone in a relationship. Be able to say, “No” and be an individual, too.

Keep in Touch – Don’t let life separate you too long. With technology today, you can stay in touch with cell phones and email. No need to overdo it and be obsessive and controlling, but do stay in touch off and on throughout the day with quick “Hellos” and “How are things going?”

Lemonade – Make lemonade out of those relationship lemons. And “yes” there will be some, since life is not perfect! For example, when your partner is late and you miss a movie date or restaurant reservation, don’t make it a night of terror and destroy what’s left when you finally do get together. Do something else instead, like relax at home with a video and scented candles, and order subs (and lemonade!)

Make the Honeymoon Last – Remember how your felt when you first got together? Do those little things that you did at the beginning and make the honeymoon last. Bring home fresh flowers, shut off the television, turn on some music and dance with your mate, compliment your mate, make dates to go to places you used to frequent (the old neighborhood pizza parlor, a local drive in, a hotel you went to on your honeymoon, etc.)

Nuts and Bolts – Don’t focus so much on the “nuts and bolts” of who said what, when, how often and why they were wrong…. In other words, sometimes during an argument, try losing your memory of who did what, when and how many times in the past. Instead, humble yourself, apologize for having messed up and hug your mate!

Open – Open windows when doors close. If you feel you’ve been pushed to the limit and don’t want to try one more time, close the door on that angle of the issue. Take a walk, get some ice cream and cool off (literally). Then return relaxed and refreshed, and open a window to air differences.

Parental Issues  – Even the best of relationships deal with someone’s past parental issues from time to time. Counseling can help, yes, but something out of the blue can still trigger a parental issue that someone struggles to deal with regardless of age, it seems. In these cases, just realizing and stating that it’s normal, may never get resolved and is okay to move on, can work wonders – for both parties.

Quality – With hectic schedules, quality time is important. So even if you can only meet to watch a 30-minute comedy together every evening, make and keep that date. You’ll probably be especially glad you did when times get tough and have the wonderful memories to help get you by.

Respect – Respect not only each other, but each other’s property, friendships, time, job and …everything. Remember you are sharing life together and need to be courteous to one another and all the affects you.

Sharing – Likewise share and don’t be stingy. “You reap what you sow,” and “You can’t take it with you” when you die, as the sayings go.

Trust – Healthy relationships involve people who trust one another. One person doesn’t get involved in unhealthy risks with a third party or lie to the other. There is an open, positive exchange of trust. So if this is lacking, seek help from a professional counselor, if necessary, and see what’s wrong.

Understanding – Happy, healthy couples try to understand each other even if it means joining a self-help group, reading library books about something foreign or unknown, or taking time to research and delve into an issue. In other words, take time to gain knowledge and wisdom before jumping the gun on something you may not really understand.

Violence – Violence is not welcome. Period. Don’t accept it. Don’t dish it out. Anger Management is not just a movie term today. There really is help out there if you or your mate needs it.

Warning Signs – Healthy people are generally alert to warning signs of trouble and head them. Denial isn’t part of their life.

X-Ray – Happy people in healthy relationships generally don’t look at each other as they look at x-rays. They don’t see close-ups of each flaw and character make up. They learn to look beyond the bare essentials and see the whole person.

Youthful Attitude – A youthful attitude can go far in relationships. Old outlooks can spawn resentment, skepticism and other negative connotations. A little dose of daily humor (reading comics, watching or listening to comedy, etc.) and keeping in touch with youth (church activities, neighborhood / social nonprofit functions and events, etc.) can help maintain a fresh, youthful outlook.

Zombie – Don’t go through life like you’re a zombie! It’s not up to your mate to fulfill your life. You need to take charge yourself!

ABC’s of Unhealthy, Sad Relationships 

Unhealthy, Sad Relationships have some general notable characteristics in common. Here are some basic guidelines for reference. They are in alphabetical order only, not order of importance.

Avoidance – Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves appear superior. Or perhaps they don’t want to face the fact that their mates really aren’t who they say they are. For example, Person A might cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is always late coming home from work and almost always misses family functions.  Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that it doesn’t destroy their “perfect image” in everyone’s eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a workaholic.

Burnout – Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the “love” fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout and don’t know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives, like getting a fake substitution – maybe seeking another mate in secret, getting “high,” or some other negative behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer. Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add some new goals to the relationship, do some fun things together more, talk more, etc.

Compatibility Issues – Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it’s great to have some “spice” in your life. But relationships are about getting your needs met – at least on some level. And constant negativity can certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a difficult time focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the first place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in conflict over issues with which they can’t agree.

Devotional Void – A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing. Being committed, loving soul mates is another. Being “in love” 24/7 doesn’t necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a “loving” committed relationship can make the difference.

Enthusiasm Dwindles – If you don’t add in some spice once in awhile, you can get the same old, same old. Couples caught up in routines can lose that spark of enthusiasm; i.e. zest of life in their relationships if they forget to be spontaneous once in awhile or forget to flavor their relationship with fun, adventure, romance.

Forgiveness Void – No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life. Those unwilling or unable to forgive, can pretty much count on having more unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based or growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like wilted flowers. They need tending to or they’ll die.

Guise – Simulated relationships or those under the guise of having a solid, happy relationship are not destined for success, on the whole. Or rather false is as false does, as Forest Gump might say. Pretending wears thin and doesn’t last long.

Harm – Harmful thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to unhealthy relationships. An occasional outbreak during a stressful moment might be considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone hasn’t been raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by the other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those and repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy in relationships – or life.

Indulgence – Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy behaviors is a sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy a craving is one thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another mate in secrecy is another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations and desires is a pathway to unhealthy relationships.

Just say yes – Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain limits is another possible path to sad relationships. For example, if one person in the relationship has a difficult time saying “No” and setting limits, his or her mate could always come in second, third or forth – – rarely first in the other person’s eyes and agenda. And while it’s fine to take a back seat once in awhile, people make time for priorities and in healthy relationships, both parties feel and share the value of being number one with one another.

Kick the Dog – Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense (although that would be negative, too!) is characteristic of unhealthy relationships. For example, if a person comes home angry and passes this anger on to the dog by kicking it, that is not a healthy release of anger. The unhealthier people are, the unhealthier they generally deal with stress. Help is available.

Lemons – Unhealthy relationships often have at least one party who can’t seem to make lemonade out of life’s lemons. Maybe he or she has the wrong recipe. Or maybe the person is a bad cook. But assistance is needed in this department!

Management Mania – Remember the “Odd Couple?” A super manager personality can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Likewise a super sloth can wreak one, too. A little give and take is called for.

“Neverland” – Ever heard something this in an argument, “You never….?” Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip the “always” and “nevers” in arguments and avoid unhealthy relationship issues. It’s rare that someone does or does not do something 100 percent of the time. Memories just seem to fail during opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes (not always, though!)

Ominous – Bad or ominous feelings, an omen…a feeling deep inside that tells you something is wrong – this often accompanies unhealthy relationships.

Pressure – When one party pressures (or forces) the other to have sex, this is characteristic of an unhealthy relationship.

Questions – Part of communicating is asking and answering questions. If this process causes problems, i.e. even the simplest of questions arouses anger, suspicions, fighting, etc., this is a trait often found with unhealthy relationships. The party who has difficulty answering questions may be hiding something, dealing with control issues or dealing with substance abuse (or other).

Responds Inappropriately – Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include playing head games, trying to humiliate, using threats, insults or jealousy. These inappropriate responses suggest unhealthy environment between the couple.

Silence – Silence isn’t always golden, as the saying goes. If one person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a solitary or very brief occurrence, this can reflect an unhealthy relationship.

Treatment – If healthcare treatments are being ignored or stopped without the help of a professional; for example, in the case of stopping anti-depressant medication after a severe (negative) episode (like suicide), this can signal an unhealthy relationship. People need to take care of themselves and not leave everything up to their mates in relationships.

Untidy / Unkempt – When one or both partners disregards physical appearance for the duration (long-term, not just for a weekend), this signals an unhealthy relationship. One or both could be abusing substances, for example, or suffering depression.

Verbal Abuse /Violate – When one or both partners use verbal abuse and / or violate or cause harm to the other’s person or personal property, things or friends, this can be a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. People should respect each other and each other’s property, things and friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.

Weapons – Threatening a partner with a weapon, even if it’s a household (or other) item used as a weapon is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Xerox – A trait of an unhappy relationship can be when a person is copying another, failing to be himself or herself. Some personality disorders are also characterized by this trait that reportedly shows up in a number of unhealthy relationships. And help is available.

Youthful Outlook / Emotions – An energetic, youthful attitude toward life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook, and emotions can be characteristic of unhealthy partners. Growing couples need maturity as they grow together and face adult issues. Childish displays of anger, hostility, selfishness, etc., don’t have much place in healthy, growing partnerships.

Zero – Growing relationships need a foundation. Zero to grow on is difficult to multiply. Got to start somewhere!

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Dating & Relationship Resources

Support and help is available for relationships in many forms. And with the Internet, there is now help available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Here are some places to turn below.

Online Support:

About.com/People – Popular resource sections focus on Dating Advice, Sexuality and Spirituality, Seniors, Marriage, Divorce, Honeymoon Getaways and more. Surf categories for chat rooms, forums and other online communication / tools and targeted support.

LoveTactics.com – sponsor of About.com, well known for Internet resources. This site focuses on Lost Love, Dating, Relationship and Commitment areas. Site features articles and consultation options.

Psychologytoday.com – Relationships (left-hand column category). Then choose from dozen of relationship topics that contain hundreds of articles to view online. Need help? Ask their therapist a question for $19.95 online (educational purposes only – see your healthcare provider for therapist referrals and help.) The site also shows therapists available throughout the different states for help locating someone near you.

Sage-Hearts.com – Site presents overview of various dating services and shares a variety of dating success stories and tips, books, movies and poems section, and top dating sites on the Internet with ratings.

Mail / Phone Contacts:

The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), PO Box 5488 Richmond, VA 23220-0488. Phone: 804-644-3288.

American Psychological Association 750 First Street, NE, Washington, DC 20002-4242. Telephone: 800-374-2721.

Other:

For other online and offline recommendations, it may be safer to go through a favorite magazine site (like in Psychology Today above) and search contacts. Also check in the Yellow Pages under listings for Therapists, Psychologists, Psychoanalysts and Counselors. Other methods of finding help are to ask friends, relatives, colleagues, church members or clergy for assistance and recommendations.

Books:

The Relationship Rescue Workbook, by Phillip C. McGraw; Hyperion (October 4, 2000).

Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict, by Jonathan Robinson; Conari Press (June 1, 1997).

We Love Each Other, But…: A Leading Couples Therapist Shares the Simple Secrets That Will Help Save Your Relationship, by Ellen F. Wachtel; Golden Books (February 1, 1999).

Dating & Relationship Tips

Enjoy the variety of dating and relationship building tips that follow. They are listed in no particular order.

Show Off – If you have a great body you’re trying to show off and young physical appearance, yet worry because you still seem to have difficulty finding dates and establishing relationships, here are some pointers. Turn off the “ME” focus. Others tend to see that as boorish and think you only care about yourself, not others and certainly not them. Instead, turn the focus on outside interests that the other person can relate to, even if it has to be the weather. For help, tune in to an online news source like CNN or subscribe to a national or other major newspaper or magazine like Newsweek or head to the public library for the latest news briefs. Online dating might be a good outlet for you, to as it generally offers a place to list all your great physical qualities as well as outside interests and more, presenting a more rounded dating candidate. Then those who are VERY interested in great abs, youthful appeal, etc. will be able to check you out. And those who are interested in the other interests can focus on those, too.

Sit, Don’t Take a Stand – Instead of voicing your opinions over issues that you pretty well know cause heated arguments, don’t take a stand. Just sit them out. There’s no shame in passing up an argument. For example, if you both call yourselves “Christians,” yet one of you firmly has a complete set of rules and regulations about what a “Christian” really is, and doesn’t hesitate to voice this, skip over conversations about religion. If you have to, simply say something along the lines of, “This gets us too heated, so let’s pass on if for now and move on to something else.” Agree that it’s okay to disagree. Because it is!

Traditions – Keep up with some old traditions from each family. Alter some; create new ones. The main thing here is to make positive memories that you can share and relive over and over, especially during rough spots when you can’t remember why you are together. Traditions can be like glue and bind you with a common past.

Sex VS Love – Sex and love are not the same thing. Learn the difference and don’t measure love by your hormones.

Negotiator – Forget “his” and “hers” roles and who “should” do what when…Learn to negotiate. What works one day may not work another when timing is off, kids are on the run and disaster strikes, for instance, when your mother-in-law drops by unexpectedly.

Love and Hate – Love your mate. It is OK to strongly dislike (or “maybe” hate) a behavior, like cracking knuckles or biting nails. But remember to love the person.

Online (and Classified Ad) Dating

The Internet is still pretty safe overall, even for seniors, according to research of various Internet safety sites like WiredSafety.org who estimated a 90 – 97 percent “terrific” Internet. People are chatting with one another, making cyber-dates. However, there are some general rules of Internet etiquette or “netiquette” and some precautions to take for possible dangers lurking there.  Here are some pointers compiled from several websites experienced in cyber-dating techniques and most tips work for those who reply to classified ads, too.

SAFETY TIPS

1. Do Not Give Out Personal Information – Whether it’s via email, online chat rooms, message boards, in your personal ad, etc., do not disclose your personal information like your complete name, address, telephone number, work place, etc. And use a third party email address instead of one with your domain or work domain, too, that is easily traceable. For example, instead of using joe@seniortimes.com  , set up an email account like joe@yahoo.com or joe@hotmail.com (search “free email accounts for places like this). Preferred dating sites offer email forwarding so that members do not see private information like this. So if you are on one that differs or makes you uncomfortable, move along and click elsewhere.

2. Do Not Lie – Be up front about your age and appearance. Better to not be caught in lies later on or lead someone on falsely.

3. Be Tactful and Leary – Do not believe everything you read in posts, in emails: in general online. You could be chatting with a child or someone faking their sexual orientation. The odds are that you will probably encounter someone a tad “undesirable” from time to time, so try to use appropriate replies, using tact, or ignore the encounter, if it suits the situation.

4. Use Caution in Sharing Images – Whenever you think about sharing a digital photo online, keep in mind that it may be possible for thousands to see it on the Internet, not just one person. Plus your photo can be copied, altered with different software out there today and posted elsewhere. If you do use your image, send one that shows you with a warm smile, not a frown.

5. Ask if Unsure – Go slow like the tortoise in the race with the hare and ask questions if you are unsure how to proceed in your contact and communications. Contact the site owner or webmaster (check for contact info when you register), ask trusted friends for helpful resources, check with local authorities. Remember that old adage, “Better safe than sorry!”

6. Be careful if you decide to meet for the first date. Remember there is safety in numbers, so meet in a public place with other friends around.

7. Keep copies of communications in a file so that you can show friends or the law in case your meeting or continued contact takes a bad turn. And do report any problems and cooperate with authorities. They can get information from your computer and communications to aid in tracking down culprits in some cases. Don’t try to take matters into your own hands and stalk the culprit yourself, though. Be safe.

8. Let men instigate online and offline relationships. Men still like to pursue. Online studies show that this has proven safer, too, with Internet dating. Men should make the first email move. And women should NOT reply to men’s ads; let the men pursue. (Sorry guys!)

9. So that you don’t appear anxious or desperate or both, generally wait for a day or 24-hour period before replying. And forget about replying on weekend and holidays, at least at first, and being available via instant messaging. This is especially important for women (double standards are still around and even exist in the Internet dating scene) – you want to “appear” socially active, confident – blah, blah, blah, even if you are just home washing your hair.

10. Don’t date someone who is already married to someone else – even if that person says he or she is getting a divorce. Let the divorce happen first. Otherwise things could get ugly. And you may even have to face the spouse / ex-spouse and children down the road. So think of others, too, when even considering someone who is not single.

11. If after several emails or letters you decide to talk on the phone, keep the first call short, around 10 minutes. Plan to have to “rush” off. Your goal is to hear the person’s voice and talk a short while only, not seeming over anxious.

12. Some gents do complain that the ladies do not reply. So ladies, reply! At least say, “No, thank you.”

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NETIQUETTE

Here are some general guidelines to refer to in your online communications.

• Use respectful tones and wording. Swear words and hurtful remarks are not good for anyone. If someone presses you, for example, to share confidential information that you shouldn’t, just say, “No” and tell the site monitors / webmaster of the forum, chat room or online dating site, if necessary.

• Look for dating and other resource websites that list street addresses instead of post office boxes or nothing at all. Ask friends for referrals.

• Try to avoid stretching the truth about your accomplishments, job title, etc. Then if a relationship develops, things will run much smoother.

• Try to avoid many 1-word replies and 1-sentence communications. Take some time to develop your thoughts and share in your paragraphs. In short, be a friend.

• All capital letters mean “shouting” and is difficult to read at any length.

Take care and have fun with your cyber-dating ϑ

Lowdown on Long Lasting Love 

Now it’s time to take a look at the lowdown on how to handle long lasting love. Here are some pointers on how to deal with some of the top issues that when mishandled, can separate the men from the boys, as they say, or rather the successful couples from the less-successful ones.

Conflict Management- The key here is to realize that most couples do not solve every issue. In fact, reports show that couples don’t solve most of their problems. So if you think your girlfriends or buddies are winning more frequent battles than you, forget about it. It’s not happening.

Next realize that statistics still reflect about a 50 percent survival rate for married couples long-term. (I.E. the other half divorce). And for those who do make it, it’s not so much about whether or not they “love” each other more than the divorced people did. It’s generally more about that fact that they developed better communication skills and learned to understand each other better. And developed and learning – -these are action verbs.

As you develop and learn your own job skills for advancement, so can you and should you do the same for relationship advancement. There is no shame in reaching out and improving in this area. Tips for developing better communication skills and learning to understand your mate better; i.e. improve conflict management, are as follows:

1. Take turns speaking and listening to each other. As a speaker, speak only for yourself and keep your comments brief. The stop and invite the listener to sum up what you said (to make sure he or she understood).

2. Then allow the other person to take over and follow the same format.

3. Share back and forth in this same manner, jotting down conflict management notes as needed for following up later and establishing new boundaries in your relationship.

Some tips for handling conflict resolutions are:

A. Start with the person presenting his or her complaint in a general format, without blame. For example, instead of saying, “You keep leaving dirty dishes out on the counter all night,” say “I don’t like it when dirty dishes are left out on the counter. During my college days, that attracted cockroaches.”

B. Encourage each other to come to an agreement in a calm, friendly manner. Negotiate. Give and take. Maybe the dishes from late night snacks don’t have to be washed with soap and hot water, but can simply be rinsed off instead and stacked in the sink’s dishpan or strainer, for instance.

C. If negativity starts, stop it ASAP. In the above example, maybe the mate wants all sinks clear and free for emptying coffee cups and other snack and breakfast dishes. So this person starts swearing, calling the other person a lazy idiot or something…STOP.

D. Calm things back down. Use hand signals like coaches do in sports, if necessary. Men can often relate to this. Do a “time out” mode. And take a breather or break for a few minutes.

E. Then go back to where things were fine, just before step “C.” Inject some humor and try to resolve the conflict again. Maybe joke about how you pay much more for your residence now and don’t have cockroach problems. And that OK, one sink can be left clear, the other will hold a strainer of rinsed-off items. Any dirty ones can be placed / stacked on one side of the strainer; rinsed items on the other. Done deal!

Money Management – Some counselors say that money handling is the number one priority issue of conflict among couples. Problems arise with how money is viewed, how it should be save, spent and even earned. So here are some general guidelines to money management to help iron out some financial issues for couples.

1. Decide to set aside some time for discussing your financial matters in peace and quiet. Doing this quarterly (or monthly, if time and patience allow) is a good idea. Then you can make sure your budget is on track and allow a glance ahead at possible items coming up that may have been missed (like renewal of driver’s licenses) and look back to see how you are doing.

2. Gather all of your budgeting materials in one place; notebook paper, 3-prong folder with pockets for storing bills as they arrive in the mail, stamps, calculator, envelopes, check book, savings book, pencil, pen. When it’s time to work on your finances, bring everything out at once (maybe store in a special drawer or box for handy pick-up-and-go.)

3. On a sheet of notebook paper (or a sheet from a budget planning guidebook or software print out), list each monthly expense; rent / house payment, each utility, charities / tithing, grocery money, misc. funds (to allow for medicines, snacks, CD rental, etc.), car payments, insurance, credit card payments, etc. For guidelines, there are several things you can do; check with your local bank for budget planning help, ask a librarian for help finding budget books, check your computer’s software (Microsoft Word has some business / budgeting sheets that could be altered to fit your family planning needs, for instance), visit local office supply stores to see which types of budget planner notebooks and guide they may have available, surf online or use the following one enclosed and revise it to suit your needs. Hint: visit www.digital-women.com/daily-planner for lots of planner pages to choose from (for men and women!)

4. Fill in the blanks on your budget planner page. List how much each monthly payment is in #3 above. Then total the list to see how much income you need to cover all your expenses.

5. Note your incomes in a separate column off to the side. Does your income exceed your expense total? If so, great. Simply have fun choosing what you’d like to both do with your extra income, with long-term and short-term goals that are compatible with both of you. If not, if income does not exceed expenses, and this is the area where discourse usually strikes, it’s time to whittle down your expenses and / or earn extra income. Here are tips on whittling down income and being more budget-conscious with your available funds:

A. Use coupons, even cyber-ones like from www.valpak.com

B. Check with your insurance about higher deductibles and any special rate savings programs they may have (like good driving discounts).

C. Visit second hand stores for used books and clothing.

D. Donate time and volunteer work instead of tithing money

E. Buy no-name foods, toiletry and household items (shampoos, deodorants, light bulbs, etc.) instead of brand names.

F. Cook at home more as entertainment and invite your neighbors and friends over. And skip eating out so much, renting CD / DVDs and going to movies.

G. Track and monitor your spending. Jot purchases in a notebook and keep handy with your checkbook for quick reference. Review and see how you do weekly. Improve!

H. Plan ahead. For example, save a little each month for Christmas so that in December, you’ll already have what you need for gifts already saved up. Likewise for annual insurance billings (like for the house) or for any other annual billings.

I. See if you can trade services with others. For example, if you have a computer and can toss up a decent web page maybe you can create web pages for small business in the area in exchange for gift cards to use in their stores.

J. Sell some of your stuff – try online auctions, garage sales, cheap classifieds, bulletin boards around town…

K. Resist the urge to “immediately” fulfill a want. Instead, keep a list going of “wants.” If an item has been on there for a year, for example, then begin shopping for it. Look for bargains, try to trade for it, negotiate for a better deal. Waiting generally means you’ll really want it more (or not, and cross it off your list) and will actually USE it when you get it and not just toss it in a pile with other unopened or hardly used things that you just HAD to have.

L. Check out library books like:

The Cheapskate Monthly Money Makeover, by Mary Hunt; St. Martin’s Press; Reissue edition (March 1, 1995).

Miserly Moms: Living on One Income in a Two-Income Economy, by Jonni McCoy; Bethany House Publishers; 3rd edition (October 1, 2001).

The Complete Cheapskate: How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out, and Break Free from Money Worries Forever, by Mary E. Hunt, Mary Hunt; St. Martin’s Griffin; 1st edition (August 1, 2003).

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Self-Help Guide

Self-help to help your relationship improve, here are some exercises to take by yourself and share with your mate. Take them slow and steady, at your own pace. Have fun with them. (There are no grades!)

Instructions: Jot your replies down on paper if you like or in a private “couple’s” journal fur future reference. Add to them, modify them, edit them as you’d like. The key is to have fun, learn more about yourself, your mate and your relationship together, and grow.

Exercise A: List your three best traits. Then list your mate’s top three traits you admire.

Exercise B: List the top three areas in your life that you would like to work on improving. These can be any range of things from improving income to education to giving more, losing more weight, being less shy, etc. Then list the top three areas in your mate’s life that you’d like to see improved.

Fill in the blanks, and then have your mate reply to the same questions. Take turns reading your replies and learning more about each other:

Regarding my appearance, I think I am _____________________

A funny thing that happened to me was _____________________

One place I would love to visit is ____________________________

If money was no object, I would buy _________________________

A person who meant a lot to me while I was growing up is ___________because ______________________________________

A major lesson I learned in life is _____________________________

If I could have any job in the world, it would be __________________

A hero of mine is (can be fictional) ____________________________

If a dream could come true, I’d like ___________________________

One way I’d like to give back would be ________________________

On a personal note, here is where I would like to be:

1 year from now:___________________

3 years from now: __________________

5 years from now: ___________________

As a couple, here is where I’d like us to be:

1 year from now:___________________

3 years from now: __________________

5 years from now: ___________________

One things about you that makes me smile is ____________________

I’ll always remember this about you ___________________________

Exercise: List what you feel is good about your relationship.

Exercise: List what you feel could use work / improvement in your relationship.

Exercise: How could you help improve your relationship? And how do you think your partner could help improve the relationship?

Reply:

1. What is the best memory that comes to mind about your mate?

2. What do you see in the future for your relationship: Location? Jobs? House? Pets? Children? Travel?

3. What fun things would you like to try and do with your mate more (Ballroom dancing? Gourmet cooking? Snow skiing? Other?) When will you schedule one of these new things?

In summary, since the latest reports show that just about anyone and everyone can learn the important social skills needed for relationship building, use what you can of this guide and its resources mentioned to focus on your own Healthy Relationships. Be alert to possible problem areas, and take action to improve your life.

Addendum: Generic Budget Worksheet

Monthly Budget Guide

Amount

Income

Person A:

Employment net income

(after taxes)

Other income

Person B:

Employment net income

(after taxes)

Other income

TOTAL INCOME

 

Amount Budgeted

Mortgage / Rent

Cable / Internet Access

Cell Phones

Utilities (gas, electric, H2O)

Phone (landline)

Groceries

Insurance
(Car/Home/Life)

Car Payment

Auto Insurance

Gas

Misc (car maintenance, clothes, entertainment, emergency, etc.)

Credit card payments

Savings / Investments

Other expenses

TOTAL EXPENSES

INCOME – EXPENSES:

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Overcoming Addictions

Table of Contents

Introduction To Addictive Disorders

Understanding Addiction in Laymen’s Terms

Dominating Dependencies

(Relationships, Drugs, Alcohol, Gambling, Internet)

Recovery Tools

Treatment Alternatives

Support Groups, Organizations & Programs

Healthy Living, Healthy Choices Tips

Overcoming Addiction Rewards & Resources

DISCLAIMER: This information is not presented by a medical practitioner and is for

educational and informational purposes only.  The content is not intended to be a

substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  Always seek

the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions

you may have regarding a medical condition.  Never disregard professional medical

advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read.

Since natural and/or dietary supplements are not FDA approved they must be

accompanied by a two-part disclaimer on the product label: that the statement

has not been evaluated by FDA and that the product is not intended to “diagnose,

treat, cure or prevent any disease.”

———————————————————————

Introduction To Addictive Disorders

In this guide, the Addictive Disorders discussed refer to health matters dealing with both physical and psychological intense desires or cravings for substances or behaviors that grow into dependency. For example, not only will alcohol and drug dependency be addressed, but addictions dealing with issues like emotional, “things” or “people” attachments. The general concept is that these cravings or yearnings are ongoing in spite of the fact that they cause the addicted person, and at times others, harm at various levels; social, psychological and physical. And on the whole, the addictive disorders that are discussed are considered progressive or advancing in nature, and chronic or lasting for a long period of time, with distinct periods of recurrence.

There are some alarming facts to consider regarding addictive disorders. For instance, a recent report in the National Drug Addiction Recovery Month Kit showed the cost of alcohol and illicit drug use in the workplace, including lost productivity, accidents and medical claims to be an estimated $140 billion per year.

Another fact: every eight seconds, a person dies due to a tobacco-related illness, according to the World Health Organization.

Also, an estimated 28 percent to 30 percent of people in the U.S.A. alone have an addictive substance abuse disorder, a mental health disorder or both, according to a 2002 report by the National Mental Health Association.

And alcohol abuse and dependence occurs four times as much among men over the age of 65 than women in the same age group, according to the Surgeon General’s Report on Mental Health, 1999.

With Addictive Disorders being such a large important part of everyday life, this ebook strives to help clear up myths from facts and present an overview of the issues surrounding the disorders. It includes information about some of the top addictions in society today, along with a variety of solutions available to help with treatment and coping, based upon the most recent studies, research, reports, articles, findings, products and services available, so that you can learn more about Overcoming Addictions.

For example, consider the following and decide if it is myth or truth: addicts cannot be medically treated. This is a myth. Some substance addicts can be medically treated via a detoxifying program, followed up by treatment with new medicines like Bupropion (Zyban) and Naltrexone (ReVia). These medicines help people who are refraining from addictive substances to keep their desires for them in check.

Note that the contents here are not presented from a medical practitioner, and that any and all health care planning should be made under the guidance of your own medical and health practitioners. The content within only presents an overview of Overcoming Addictions research for educational purposes and does not replace medical advice from a professional physician.

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Understanding Addiction in Laymen’s Terms 

Many researchers believe that addiction is a behavior that can be controlled to some extent and also a brain disease.  And since some testing with functional magnetic resonance imaging (FMRI) found that all addictions tend to cause nearly the same reactions inside the brain, there could be one type of control model for addiction health-related issues. In other words, just as there is one disorder or disease labeled asthma, there would be one for addiction, covering all addictions; gambling, smoking, overeating, drugs, etc. Then one main treatment strategy or plan could be used to treat all addictions.

How addiction works in a nutshell is like this. The brain, the center of the body’s nervous system, handles addiction by increasing dopamine levels in response to increased reactions from behaviors, also referred to as compulsions, like gambling or over eating, and / or in response to increased repeated substance abuse, like from cocaine or alcohol. And this addiction affects the three functioning processes of the nervous system; sensing, perceiving and reacting. How? Let’s take a quick peak…

Dopamine, the chemical transmitter to the “pleasure center,” the place where survival instincts like eating and reproduction focus in the brain, activates cells individually or energizes them. Each energized cell in turn energizes another cell, and so on down the line, resulting in a spontaneous or systematic process of ecstasy or elation.

The problem is the brain doesn’t realize what it is that is causing the ecstasy reaction. So when this flutter of activity increases the creation of dopamine for the negative behaviors and substances like drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc., it neglects the natural survival instinct reaction mechanisms, replacing them with the ecstasy instead.

Note that also, depending upon the addiction, nervous system functions are altered. So sensing, perceiving and reacting functions of individuals are impeded. For example, alcohol is a depressant and slows down all of these functions. So a drunk driver facing an immediate collision will in all likelihood react slower than a healthy, alert driver. And whether or not the addictive substances are inhaled, going into the lung system; or injected, traveling via the blood system; or swallowed, entering the digestive system, also affects different bodily reactions, responses and overall health.

One long-term effect is an increased tolerance level with dopamine reaching out into other brain areas that cloud judgment and behavioral considerations and choices. And ultimately depression results, even amidst opposing or negative stimuli, like the negative effects of narcotics on behaviors and on the body / mind and like trying to withdrawal or discontinue use.

Note: other long-term effects can include changing of the brain’s shape and possible permanent brain damage, depending upon the addiction and length of compulsive activity. And other health problems like cancer from cigarette smoking can result.

Addiction summed up is: compulsive behavior despite negative consequences.

OTHER FACTORS IN ADDICTION

Of course no two people are 100 percent the same. So since internal genetic and external environmental and behavioral factors and influences vary, so can addiction issues with each person. In other words, a child born of an alcoholic parent may have an altered or different brain chemistry or make up than a child not born of an alcoholic. However, other factors need to be taken into account with regards to whether or not and to what extent the child is susceptible to addictive behaviors or substances. For instance, genetics, mental state and the environmental setting of the child, especially during early developmental years could all play key roles as to how the child or growing adult will react when confronted with certain behaviors or instances.

So take for example a soldier. Surviving temporarily on the only remedy available in hostile territory, he becomes addicted to morphine while outside his element or home environment. Later he returns to his home environment. Will he stay addicted to the morphine? Will it be difficult to stop using it?

The answers vary, depending upon the soldier’s predisposition or susceptibility to addiction; his home environment, his mental state, his genetics with family history, and other factors. In other words, if he came from a background of living long-term with a family of addicts, socialized with addicts in his neighborhood and school environments, and already battled with smoking cigarettes, marijuana and other substances routinely, this soldier may have a difficult time withdrawing from morphine. Whereas, a soldier who had never seen addiction up close before, either in his family, neighbors, school friends, etc., and who otherwise came back with a fairly healthy mental state, may be able to stop using morphine with little or no problems and get back to his “normal” routine.

Which leads to, “How can you tell if someone is addicted or not?

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Dominating Dependencies:

(Relationship, Drugs, Alcohol, Gambling, Internet)

Addictions present some common and some unique characteristics and behaviors across the board, depending upon the behaviors and / or substances associated with the addiction. Let’s take a look at some common symptoms or traits and a little about how to begin getting help for the more common addictions or dominating dependencies today.

Odors associated with the substances like cigarette or marijuana smoke are fairly noticeable traits. Here are some maybe not so obvious:

• Fatigue

• Uncontrolled cravings

• Wearing long sleeves (to cover needle marks) during hot weather

• Hanging out with known addicts

• Thoughts, actions – nearly everything- –  focused on addiction

• Nasal congestion (sniffing, nose bleeds…), eye changes (redness, glassy, wears sunglasses when not needed, etc…)

• Behavioral changes (moodiness, mood swings with hyperactive, lethargy, violence, paranoia, secretive, confused thoughts and actions)

• Denial of use, addiction, etc.

• Memory loss, distorted time

• Stealing or excessive / unusual borrowing of funds

• Unkempt appearance, truant / absenteeism from work, school, home…

• Sudden changes in school work and grades, job performance, regular behavior

• Withdrawal from normal activities, friends, family

• Withdrawal symptoms: nausea, sweating, chills, convulsions, anxiety, nervousness, depression, headaches, hallucinations, diarrhea, restlessness / sleep disturbances, shaking (uncontrolled), sensitivity.

Now for a look at how to begin getting help for the more dominating dependencies today.

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RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

One major addiction facing many people because of the nature of its definition is relationship addiction or co-dependency. It is a learned dependent behavioral condition, generally with the existence of emotional, physical and / or sexual abuse, that affects people with or related (not necessarily “blood related” but environmentally or socially) to those having alcohol or drug, gambling, sex, food, work or other dependencies, or the mentally ill.  This unhealthy condition is learned from the abusers’ relationships and affects a person’s ability to have a healthy relationship. Co-dependent is associated with “dysfunctional family” members or those feeling anger, shame, fear or pain mainly because of the addiction that is “unspoken” or discussed. The person or persons addicted are in denial and don’t admit their dependencies or problems surrounding them. And those in relationships with them adapt this type behavior as well, keeping the “status quo” at an even keel to avoid confrontational issues and rock the boat.

Co-dependent people repress their emotions and ignore their own needs while being compulsive caretakers for the addicts. And as a result they become “survivors.” To help keep addictions hidden, they distance themselves from the addict as well as the problems associated with the addiction, and certain behaviors develop over time.

Co-Dependent Behaviors / Traits

Inhibited Emotions – Detachment occurs. Don’t touch, don’t feel, don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t confront. Keeping the addiction hidden becomes then entire focus of the addict’s family and / or others in co-dependent relationships, shifting all main focus of safety, health, and basically life to the sick person or addict. With the focus off themselves, the co-dependent people neglect their own safety, health…in short, lives.

Self – Esteem – Low self-esteem is common among co-dependent people. To substitute something in the “real world” that would make them feel better, since their fantasy of the hidden addiction becomes their real world, they often become addicts themselves, diving into gambling, illicit sex, cigarette or marijuana smoking, work (becoming workaholics), or drugs and alcohol as well.

Martyr – These caretakers take on a martyr role while trying to “help” the addict. But their exaggerated, compulsive behaviors that they think actually “help” others, in reality negate their supposed “help.” For example; a co-dependent person may think nothing of lying for his or her spouse or adult (or teen) children to cover up for theft to fund a drug addiction. Since this behavior does indeed “help” the addict – stay addicted, that is, the co-dependent person feels “needed” and a cycle of dependency develops around the addict – additive behavior / substance – caretaker – caretakers compulsive actions / behaviors.

Victim – Co-dependent people feel caught up in the cycle of dependency and feel helpless to break free. They see themselves as victims and are magnetically drawn to others in similar circumstances in their relationships.

Confused – Because of the nature of the disorder, co-dependent people often confuse love with pity and rescuing. They hold on to unhealthy relationships at all costs to avoid feeling abandoned. They feel guilty when trying to be in control, yet they feel driven to control people around them. They desperately seek approval or to be recognized, in part because of their identity loss while trying to hide the addict and addiction problems. And in part because they don’t trust themselves or others with all of the lying going on, and can’t identify reality very well or trust their own feelings. (Outward shows of appreciation like rewards and approval help ground them).

Unhealthy emotions – Intimacy and personal boundaries become problematic, as escaping reality unfortunately comes with the need to find escape outlets. So dealing with intimate emotional issues like feeling loved can mean reaching out to the wrong person. Anger and how to deal with it also becomes a problem and can be misdirected – both internally, causing health problems like ulcers, and externally, like in violent behaviors, because the person doesn’t know hope to cope or where to turn for help. And adjusting to change is burdensome, with lack of effective communication skills and healthy decision-making tossed aside. So depression and anxiety-related emotions surface and fester.

CO-DEPENDENCY HELP

The key to getting help for co-dependency is acknowledging the problem. Then seek help. Check out library books on co-dependency and to find helpful resources. Search the Yellow Pages (under recovery programs, addiction recovery, etc.) and ask your healthcare provider or local hospitals and healthcare centers for more information and places to start.

Also visit sites like the one for Co-Dependents Anonymous at www.coda.org (in Spanish and English) for contacts in your state, Frequently Asked Questions, meetings, list groups, helpful literature and other tools like the 12-Steps used as a base or foundation in many recovery programs.

For more website, simply conduct a quick search of words or phrases associated with co-dependency. They will yield many sites, chat rooms, list groups, ezines and other helpful resources to aid in recovery. For example, using your favorite search engine, type in words like; co-dependency, co-dependent relationships, and codependent recovery.

Also target groups and other resources associated with the addiction(s)directly. Each addiction pretty much has its own network of healing and recovery resources. For instance, there is Gamblers Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, Nar-Anon (for narcotics), etc. Online, simply key in the addiction and “anon” after it or “recovery” to get you started.

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DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ADDICTION

Some people, both professionals and non-professionals or lay people, believe that there are three types of people who drink and use drugs; Social Users, Substance Abusers and Addicts. They consider Social Users those people who are supposedly trying to make something more out of otherwise positive, upbeat social situation – be it an interview, sporting event, date, family gathering or other activity where people are together. The user may be uncomfortable and try drugs to feel more at ease, to fit in, to feel less inhibited or any other number of mood-alterations, instead of simply not going or facing reality and participating in healthier situations for himself or herself. And supposedly, as a result of this social drug or alcohol use, these Social Users do not report negative consequences like being out of control or exhibiting any bad behaviors.

Substance abusers, on the other hand, who supposedly use alcohol or drugs in light of negative experiences or episodes, as well as positive ones, report some negative effects. In general, though, instances seem relatively minor to them, like lampshades on heads or broken promises and after-party complaints. Sometimes only one negative issue will surface afterwards; sometimes a combination of issues will surface. Not much concrete to go on is characterized with this middle stage.

Now for the heavier hitters, known as Abusers, a number of negative consequences result, regardless of whether or not the alcohol or drugs are taken for positive, negative, any and all reasons. From one to any combination of the following negatives are often reported; negative reoccurrence of the same bad behaviors (maybe broken lamps from tripping instead of lampshades on heads), broken promises and broken limits set beforehand, mental mania or diving into deep subjects (almost in a psychological way), denial (of being drunk or high), crying jag or emotional outbursts, memory loss or confusion, and many (repeated) complaints are brought to light after the events by others.

Drugs and Alcohol Addiction Behaviors / Traits

Regardless of the type of alcohol or drug dependent person, addiction or dependence is characterized by professional standards according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) (1994). To sum up, the DSM-IV identifies an addict as having three or more of the following “symptoms” within a year’s time period:

– Mental thoughts focused on the substance (alcohol or drugs) even when not using.

– Withdrawal from society, friends, loved ones, normal activities – to focus on continued substance use.

– Using more than expected

– Substance abuse even though negative consequences directly result from the abuse (at any level: physical, emotional, social, work-related, etc.)

– Attempts to stop or “control” use and withdrawal symptoms develop (shakes, hallucinations, cravings, etc.)

– Tolerance levels can change; i.e. it takes more and more to get and sustain a drunk or high state

Drugs and Alcohol Addiction Help

Similar to the key to getting help for co-dependency, the key to getting help for drug and alcohol addiction is first in acknowledging the problem, then in getting help. Check out library books on co-dependency and to find helpful resources. Search the Yellow Pages, online search engines, 12-Step Groups listed in community calendars, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics (or the specific drug name like “Cocaine”) Anonymous, etc.

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GAMBLING ADDICTION

Another top addiction is gambling. In fact, studies including research by the National Gambling Impact Commission show that gambling nationwide affects a minimum of 2.5 million people, over 1 percent of the population. In targeted gambling areas like Las Vegas, over 5 percent of the people are expected to end up having some sort of gambling problems. To help put those figures into perspective, gambling problems occur twice as often as cancer and twice as often as cocaine addiction. That’s a LOT of impact.

And young people battle gambling addiction more than adults. Here are the latest prevalence rates as reported by the National Coalition Against Legalized Gambling, the following are the prevalence rates:

• 16-24 year old males 4%

• 11-18 year old males 4-7%

• National average, all ages 1.2%

How can you tell if someone is addicted to gambling? Similar to the characteristics noted for other top addictions, the main ones to look out for with gambling follow.

Signs of a Gambling Addiction

– Repeated attempts to stop gambling.

– Serious financial problems

– Has unrealistic view of what “life” and “the world” owes you

– Preoccupation with gambling, lying about it and denying addiction

Help for Gambling Addiction

Help is unfortunately often not sought until people hit “rock bottom” or pretty much lose about all they own, owe nearly anyone and about everyone they know (and many don’t). Once reality sets in and denial isn’t an issue any longer (and even in some cases where it’s borderline) a nationwide 12-Step program is available, Gamblers Anonymous. Other help can come from a combination of psychotherapist and / or counselor who helps focus on internal emotional issues, group therapy to interact with fellow addicts in recovery, and inpatient, residential or outpatient care, for short-term and long-term recovery options. You can seek recommendations from your healthcare providers or local hospitals.

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INTERNET ADDICTION

Even the Internet can be addicting! Although Internet Addiction is not yet an official disorder, obsessive Internet use is a real problem for some today.

Signs of “Internet Addiction”

Some signs of trouble are:

– Using the Internet more and more, while going out into the real world less and less.

– Checking email too frequently during the day – every day.

– Going online every day, rarely taking a day off.

– Sneaking online to sites that you shouldn’t visit.

– Others say that you are indeed online too much.

– Sneaking online and checking email when you should be doing other things like working. Arriving before work, staying after work, skipping lunch, avoiding meetings, avoiding co-workers – to use the Internet.

But there are ways to overcome the trouble spots. Similar to other addiction recovery, realizing there is a problem is the starting point. Facing “why” the escape from the real world is necessary is next. Then decreasing online activity and replacing it with healthier activities can help the person get back to normal.

More Help for Internet Addicts

Ways to help deal with Internet over-use are to monitor and log use, then set goals for daily activity in its place and follow up with more monitoring and strategic planning. Being logging “when” you go online and “why” and “where.” Then over time, cut back usage by replacing alternative resources for your attention.

For example, instead of emailing people all day long, grab the phone and call others. Instead of playing games on Yahoo all night, allow yourself one hour and play solitaire or visit with a neighbor or friend and play a board game like chess. And instead of reading ebooks and forum posts for hours on end, grab some nonfiction self-improvement books, daily newspapers or popular magazines and learn more about the industries in your work environment or about nonprofits of interest and how you can join in their causes. Take charge and keep your mind stimulated and yourself active in the real world.

A counselor recommended by a healthcare provider may be about to help with this process, too. In this type of addiction, getting online help is probably not a good idea, since the goal is to spend LESS time online. So seek help from those referred by your local healthcare providers for starters. Monitoring online activity, what triggers jumping online each time, and replacing it with more appropriate, healthier activity is the key to recovery.

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Recovery Tools

Regardless of the addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling, relationships, etc., a 12-step program is the fundamental tool of many recovery programs. The basic 12 steps that groups’ members actively stress are as follows, varying in some degree per addiction recovery program. Note that no particular religion or spiritual affiliation is required. All are welcome and invited.

12-Step Program

1. We admit we are powerless over our addiction – that our lives have become unmanageable

2. We believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

5. We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

6. We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

7. We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

10. We continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it

11. We seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Basically members recite the steps at their meetings. And there may be a presentation or group discussion based upon one particular step that day, with the rest of the event focused on individual needs or issues that are brought up by members, so that each member gets to address his or her top or immediate concerns, seek help and help others to get through, “One day at a time.”

OTHER RECOVERY TOOLS

Here are more tools to aid with healing from addictions, listed in no particular order.

Internal Motivators– Many decide to kick their addictions based upon interior motives like love, a sense of achievement, competition, responsibility and a number of other reasons. A love for a child can make some stop the denial process dead in its tracks, allowing recovery to step in. Watching a close friend or relative who is farther along the addictive path of destruction can also be an eye-opener, resulting in some addicts adopting the “I can do it” attitude to kick the habit. Some simply want their own self-respect back and respect from others. While other addicts prefer better health and a sharper mental state, and decide to overcome their addictions and recover. Regardless of the reasons, internal motivators can be welcome stepping-stones in the path of recovery.

External Motivators – Other motivators along the way are external, like money, work, housing, etc. For example, an addict is generally well aware of the money needed for the continued purchasing of the addictive substances. Someone not used to living in less desirable conditions because income is lacking, may not need much of a jolt of reality other than the first eviction notice, to spur him or her to quit spending hard-earned money on drugs, gambling, porn or cigarettes, etc. And some who may really value their jobs and are striving to maintain good work standards and ethics, may see reality when they are passed over for a promotion or annual raise because of tardiness, sloppiness, mishandling of money, etc., and may seek help to get their work act together promptly.

To help with internal and motivators, addicts and their support people can turn to recovery tools like books, videos, movies, healing music, speakers and events focused on addiction and recovery. A good place to begin is at your own local library or favorite bookstore. Online you can search Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble (BN.com) or even your favorite search engine. Type in terms like “addiction recovery” and / or add the addictive substance or behavior (“gambling recovery” “overcoming cigarette addiction”).

Recovery Books

Some popular recovery books are:

Addiction & Recovery for Dummies, by Brian F. Shaw, Paul Ritvo, Jane Irvine, M. David Lewis; For Dummies; (December 13, 2004).

7 Tools to Beat Addiction, by Stanton PHD Peele; Three Rivers Press; (July 27, 2004).

The Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior, by Craig Nakken; Hazelden Publishing & Educational Services; 2nd edition (September 1, 1996).

The Addiction Workbook: A Step-By-Step Guide to Quitting Alcohol and Drugs (New Harbinger Workbooks), by Patrick Fanning, John T. O’Neill, John O’Neill; New Harbinger Publications; (June 1, 1996).

Bridges to Recovery : Addiction, Family Therapy, and Multicultural Treatment, by Jo-ann Krestan; Free Press; (March 15, 2000).

For online chat rooms and message boards where recovering addicts seek fellowship, simply type “recovery message board” or “recovery chat room” in your favorite search engine. Include specific addictions like gambling and cocaine for more focused groups.

Intervention

Another popular recovery tool is called an intervention. An intervention generally refers to a planned gathering of people who know the addict and want to offer support and intervene to stop the addiction. Friends, family, co-workers, church members or in short close contacts meet and gently confront the person with the addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex or other behavior or substance addiction.

It is believed that by close contacts sharing their personal feelings and thoughts for the addict’s well being, the addict will feel safer and confront denial issues, opening up a pathway for recovery and healing. By actually being with so many caring people, the addict may also become motivated to seek help and change, and realize that he or she hasn’t faked everyone out with lies about the addiction. Many want to seek help so that they are not alone in their struggle any longer, preferring recovery and health instead.

The intervention team becomes part of their support network. Each member shares his or her own experiences with the addict and the problems arising from the addiction. And in turn, each shares their love, support and encouragement for recovery as well as any healing resources or tools they may have. For example, maybe one member who faced similar addiction issues found help from a local 12-step program and therapist, and brought the meeting information (location and times) plus the therapist’s phone number alone to share.

Trained people are also available to help groups with interventions. Some go through a 3-stage intervention program.

Stage I  – This focuses on telephone coaching over the phone. A trained professional helps you build a foundation with hope and figure out whom to ask to join in an intervention plan.  They also help strategize – gather the intervention team together, educate about goals and overall plan, and help with getting the addict to the intervention meeting the first time.

Stage II – This stage generally begins if no treatment has yet kicked into place after Stage I. Generally, the main person in charge of gathering the intervention team together meets with the professionally trained counselor get together for strategy planning about a half-dozen times.  Note that the addict is not present at these. Goals are to educate, support and develop a plan of action that includes healing treatment with the one seeking help for the addict first.

Stage III – At this point, other intervention team members are brought in and counseled. And the addict is invited to the meetings where intervention members share their new boundaries and coping skills with the addict (if he or she comes along). The intervention members’ love and support are demonstrated more than once, and by now the addict has had multiple opportunities to enter recovery and treatment but has not yet taken the plunge to seek help.

Results with this 3-stage program are long-term help for not only the addict, but the support people as well. The addict is generally removed or placed outside the dysfunctional family environment. And both family and addict learn healthier behaviors, communication and coping skills. For more information about interventions, contact:

Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery

Outpatient Center

5409 N. Knoxville Ave.

Peoria, IL 61614

1-800-522-3784

Check with your libraries and bookstores for helpful intervention books. Here are a couple of popular ones:

– Crisis Intervention Strategies (with InfoTrac) (Counseling Series)

by Richard K. James, Burl E. Gilliland Richard K. James, Burl E. Gilliland; Wadsworth Publishing; 4 edition (August 10, 2000).

– A Guide to Crisis Intervention, by Kristi Kanel; Wadsworth Publishing; 2 edition (February 21, 2002).

And check out what resources National Intervention Referral has available in your area by contacting them at (800) 399- 3612 (24 hours / 7 days), or by visiting them at and filling out their online form www.nationalinterventionreferral.org .

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Treatment Alternatives

For treatment alternatives in your area, some places to contact include counselors (educational, school, professional / medical like psychologists), doctors and hospitals. They may offer treatment solutions that include self-help, smoking patches, online treatment and housing alternatives. Some other options follow:

Treatment Centers (mental health, crisis centers, substance abuse programs) – For help locating treatment facilities in an area near you, contact:

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

200 Independence Avenue, S.W.

Washington, D.C. 20201

Telephone: 202-619-0257

Toll Free: 1-877-696-6775

National Toll-Free Help Lines – For organizations that offer mental health information, referrals some crisis counseling, dial these toll-free numbers (from within the United States:

– National Treatment Referral Hotline

800- 375- 4577 www.nationalhotline.org

– National Mental Health Association

800-969-NMHA (6642)

– National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

800-273-TALK (8255)

– Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation

800-639-7462

–  SAMHSA’s Center for Substance Abuse Treatment

800-662-HELP (4357), 800-487-4889 (TDD)

– SAMHSA’s National Clearinghouse for Alcohol & Drug Info

800-729-6686

Detoxification – Immediately halting an addict’s alcohol or drugs, can result in not only emotional but physical withdrawal, as the body has become dependent. So medical detoxification, or “de-tox” for short, is sometimes a treatment option. De-tox is the process by which an addict is actively withdrawn with the help of his physician while the negative substances are gradually removed from his body’s system, in a step-by-step process. Depending upon the addiction, some medications have been found to help with controlling mild to extreme withdrawal symptoms like seizures, delirium and shaking, with inpatient care. For example, with alcohol addiction, benzodiazepines, carbamazepine and clonidine are sometimes used. And tranquilizers can be used for outpatient care. While with cocaine, Antidepressant drugs may be used to help treat depression and anxiety during withdrawal. De-tox combined with a recovery program can produce a greater positive response in improving the patient’s healthcare.

Inpatient / Outpatient Services – Inpatient services like de-tox may be available at hospitals and residential treatment centers, and are considered to be quicker if careful monitoring of the patient is done so that no addition addictive substances are used during the time of treatment. However, outpatient services performed in private, addiction treatment or mental health offices or centers, while less expensive and intrusive on day-to-day lifestyles (especially with those continuing in their daily jobs), can be equally effective if a careful support treatment strategy is in place and used by the patient so that he or she does not return to using addictive substances while on the outside.

Nutrition  – Unfortunately, nutrition is often not a focus when a person is addicted, regardless of whether the substance is alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc. So in order to help get the brain back to a healthier state and improve “thinking” and overall health, good nutrition is taught and supplements are often encouraged. For starters, many suggest lowering or limiting dietary intake of simple starches and sugars, upping the intake of protein.  A good multivitamin / multi-mineral supplement recommended by a family or healthcare provider can be a helpful tool in a well-rounded recovery plan, too.

Retreats / Rehabs  – Today there is a wide variety of rehabilitation or rehab centers to aid recovery and healing programs in targeted environments.  Choose from rehabs focused mainly for Teens, Christian-based Programs, Executives, Gay & Lesbian Programs, Prescription Addiction, Residential Treatment Programs, Intervention Partners, Coast-specific (East or West), or 12-Step Rehab, for starters. A good place to begin is with a call to the National Treatment Referral Hotline at 800- 375- 4577 or fill out a brief info request online at www.nationalhotline.org about your case.

Support Groups, Organizations & Recovery Programs

Following are a variety of groups, organizations and programs to aid in addiction recovery. They are listed in no particular order of importance.

Alcoholics Anonymous www.alcoholics-anonymous.org – This is a group whose primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. Their site has lots of helpful information and a section with local links for more targeted help in each state of the USA and in Canada.

Street Address:

Alcoholics Anonymous

475 Riverside Drive

11th Floor

New York, N.Y. 10115

Mailing Address:

Alcoholics Anonymous

Grand Central Station

P.O. Box 459

New York, N.Y. 10163Al-Anon & Alateen www.al-anon.alateen.org  – This is the support group for friends and family of alcoholics. Their site, in English and Spanish, offers support meetings, surveys, literature and more.

Contact them at:

Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.

1600 Corporate Landing Parkway

Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617

Tel: (757) 563-1600

Fax: (757) 563-1655

wso@al-anon.org

Gamblers Anonymous

www.gamblersanonymous.org

International Service Office

P.O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017

(213) 386-8789 – Fax (213) 386-0030

Cocaine Anonymous www.ca.org

Narcotics Anonymous www.na.org

World Service Office in Los Angeles

PO Box 9999

Van Nuys, California 91409 USA

Telephone (818) 773-9999

Fax (818) 700-0700

National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Service (800) 729-4357. The National Institute on Drug Abuse www.nida.nih.gov  – The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) is part of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), a component of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Their site contains prevention, treatment, and other information on drugs and abuse for researchers, educators, parents and other interested parties. Subscribe free to their email notification list and keep updated.

Healthy Living, Healthy Choices Tips

Healthier living is a choice. And here are some choice tips towards a healthier approach to life.

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ONLINE COMMUNICATIONS

For help 24 / 7, reach out via the World Wide Web. A variety of chat boards, list groups, email pals, message boards and other means of cyber-communications can help link people up for fellowship during their recovery. And some programs, like 12-steps, offer online meetings for those unable to attend in person. Used in a safe and sensible manner, these online communication systems can offer healing interaction among fellow addiction fighters.

Here are some general guidelines to follow for safe, healthy and effective communications. First, depending upon the means of communication, most generally offer the user to key or type in comments, questions, share ideas, ask for help, cry on cyber-shoulders, etc. pretty much instantly. And those places with archived posts allow for browsing and in-depth reading for those wanting to learn more on their own. Take time to look around and learn the system and setup. Ask the moderator or person in charge of the site (usually listed on the Contact Us page) for help.

Second, when typing responses, do not use all capital letters. That means shouting to some people and they may take offense.

And third, be leery of sharing images. They can be altered and re-used by anyone. Scenic shots might be fine to share, like of recovery places to visit (public parks, scenic drives, etc.) However, think twice before sharing family photos online with strangers. Ask permission if others are in the shots, too, before sharing. If you don’t have their permission, don’t share – – general rule of thumb.

Online Safety Tips

Don’t disclose personal information or anything that makes you uncomfortable. Many people feel they have the right to ask anything and plunge right on in. Ignore them, use your delete button or simply say that you are not comfortable discussing “that” right now.

Try not to be rude, even if the other inquiring person is, and try to keep out of cyber-fights. If you need help, seek out the moderator or webmaster (usually linked on the bottom of the website pages.) If all else fails, move on to another forum, message board or other cyber-location, and leave that one alone for awhile. If and when things calm down, you can always revisit, see how things are and try again.

Don’t lie. Part of recovery is facing denial and no more lies. So if you are not comfortable telling the truth, stop. Don’t lie, just stop. Return to healing and recovery resources that you ARE comfortable with and don’t harm yourself. Realize that all kinds of people of all ages jump on the Internet, many healthy, but many unhealthy. So not every place is a healthy environment for you at all times. Nothing personal, it’s just life. Period. And it’s not your fault; there’s nothing you can do. Instead, seek healthier recovery activities and keep healing!

Avoid topics that can trigger bad episodes, especially those that could possibly mean returning to past addiction –related issues. Here’s a visual way to explain this, as shared at some recovery 12-step meetings:

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One of Life’s Paths

A man walks down the sidewalk and falls into a hole. He picks himself up, dusts himself off, climbs out of the hole and moves on.

Next time this same man walks down that same sidewalk, he sees the hole up ahead and decides to go around it. However, just as he skirts the edge of the hole, he accidentally falls in again. As before, he picks himself up, dusts himself off, climbs out of the hole and moves on.

A third time going down the same sidewalk, this same man walks a little farther away from the hole, trying to by-pass it. However, he trips over a rock in the path and falls in again anyway. And as before, he picks himself up, dusts himself off, climbs out of the hole and moves on.

The forth time – – the same man chooses a DIFFERENT sidewalk and enjoys his walk. The hole isn’t there; he doesn’t fall; there’s no need to climb out. Success!

Moral of the story: choose your paths wisely!

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MORE HEALTHY LIVING DAY-TO-DAY TIPS

Good Habits – Bad habits took time to develop; so do good ones. Take it a day at a time and focus on replacing the bad ones with good ones. Jot your progress down in a private journal. Reward your good days and good times with stickers, colored marker smiles, silly color-pencil sketches, etc. And stick with it! Remember “slow and steady wins the race,” not racing through things like the tortoise!

Be Your Best Friend – Forgive yourself and be a friend to yourself. No one is perfect. Be aware of your inner feelings and take care to find healthy outlets for yourself. For example, find healthy ways to express anger (yes, it’s OK to be angry sometimes!) and healthy outlets for fun (around healthy people and places). Parent yourself by adopting better grooming habits, eating healthier and getting plenty of rest. And have your support network and healthcare professionals on your team help you learn how to handle stress and anything that triggers old addictive behaviors and ways to pop up. Jot down notes for reference, if necessary, but bring them out as soon as you can and face them so that you can overcome them with healthier alternatives. Messed up in the meantime? Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t dwell on the negative. Instead, embrace the positive and your new network, support team and resources.

Stop and Smell the Roses – Life does have a lot to offer. And much is forgotten during stages of addiction. Keep an ongoing list or fun, neat things you’d like to do and USE it. For some ideas refer to the five senses; sight, taste, touch, smell, sound. For example your list can include a walk in the park, collecting leaves, a swim at a local hotel or YMCA, sitting on a porch swing with a friend, singing your favorite songs, whistling your favorite tunes, enjoying a warm bubble bath, buying some fresh flowers, lighting a scented candle, eating your favorite healthy foods, preparing a fun snack and sharing it with a friend, playing a board game and walking the dog. When you’re bored, anxious, or just need a break, grab your list and choose an item to do or plan.

Self-Improvement – Often addiction problems get started and continue because of lack of self-esteem. So reach out and continue your education, either formally or informally. Read motivational materials, listen to self-help tapes, watch inspiring movies, videos and DVDs. Learn goal setting, money handling, business skills, time management skills and more through library books, local workshops and online opportunities. Take charge of your life and be responsible. With learning opportunities available from free to all variety of budget ranges, the time for excuses is over!

Time-Out – This does not refer to the “time out” punishment, like sending a child to stand in the corner at a daycare facility. This is a time-out for yourself and allowing “bad” stress to take its course. In reality not everything is perfect. And that’s OK. There is no need to get high, drunk or escape in any other unhealthy way every time things aren’t perfect. Acceptance is OK. In other words, it’s OK to feel angry, sad, unhappy or other not so positive feelings sometimes. That’s natural and part of life.

However, instead of turning to negative addictive behaviors, get with your support team ahead of time and plan pro-active strategies for handling these sometimes-difficult issues. For example with anger, punch a pillow. Shed some tears when you’re sad. Take a time-out break and rest during heavier issues. Relax with some herbal tea. Tell yourself everything will be OK. And enjoy some relaxing music.

Then before you know it, the sun will come back up, and everything will be OK again. As they say, there is a season for everything. Life is a process and each of us has to take the good with the bad and make that proverbial lemonade out of lemons. “Bad” times may get you down for a while, but turn them around as quickly as you can and reach out for healthier “good” behaviors.

Overcoming Addiction: Rewards & Resources

There is an interesting relationship between addictive behavior and reward systems. Many people focus on addictions as a way to escape reality, rewarding themselves with false happiness like highs or drunken binges and gambling sprees that pull them way down over time.

However when these unhealthy rewards are replaced with healthier ones during recovery and healing, things can turn around. For example, saving a little money for a special trip can be rewarding. No need to gamble or get high; just enjoy swimming, shopping, skiing, and other fun activities instead.

But problems arise, like learning how much to save and where to go, how to get there, etc. And thus planning can be overwhelming and stressful.

To help addicts and those with tendencies toward addictive behaviors learn how to make and put a positive reward system into place, the first step is grabbing hold of reality and figuring out what WOULD be rewarding.

Reward yourself – with healthy rewards – along the way to success. That’s the goal!

1. Begin by keeping a notebook or journal listing rewards you would like to have. Start with something you think is totally unobtainable if you like. But start somewhere. And write down your thoughts so that you’ll be accountable and take responsibility for yourself and your actions and behaviors.

No one has to see this rewards notebook or journal but you. So feel free to use misspellings, bad grammar, doodles, magic markers, highlighters, clipped magazine pictures of what you want, etc. Be creative; make it colorful. It’s for YOU.

For example, your notebook could contain a list with some items like these that you think might be great: traveling, having lots of friends, being a part of a group, wearing designer clothes, having a new car, running your own business. Maybe you’d like to work part time, yet earn full time pay. Maybe you’d like to adopt children, join the Peace Corps, build your own boat or house. Dare to dream and live, jotting down ideas.

2. Then as time allows, research your ideas and find out what it would take to put them into action and make them reality. Do you need more money? More education? A scheduled time for a trip? A sewing machine to design clothes? Whatever it is that you’ll need, write it down.

Don’t know what you’ll need? Can’t figure out quite how to plan it all or get where you want? Use resources.

3. Seek help – ask trusted friends, write your congressman, check with your neighbor, move on to your net item and skip an unknown for now. Ask others at our 12-step meeting, research current trends in magazines and newspapers, ask the librarian for help and check via your favorite search engines. The goal is to reach out with your resources. No need to go it alone!

4. Then make it so, as they say on the television show Star Trek. Reach for the stars, your stars. Make time and plan your rewards one at a time. Have fun and enjoy life while you’re living it in a healthier, real way, with real friends and real vacations. Show off your one new suit of clothes that you worked for and saved for while paying all your other regular bills in the meantime.

5. Give back and help others plan their own rewards, too. That’s a reward in itself! Encourage your support team, your family, your friends, your co-workers, your neighbors and your healthcare team. Helping each other in life can be very rewarding. Don’t miss out on non-monetary rewards!

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Rewards and Resources

Here are some places to turn to for overcoming addiction with rewards and resources. Enjoy fellowship with others whoa re also looking for rewards to help motivate them through the recovery and healing process. Be a friend; make a friend.

Addiction Treatment Forum www.atforum.com – this offers more than a forum for communicating with others. There is a FAQs section for learning more about addiction issues, news with updates section and archives, a resource section with pdf reports on a variety of addiction-related topics, a calendar of industry events and a guide to other online resource links.

National Mental Health Association www.nmha.org – This is one of the oldest and largest nonprofit organizations that addresses all aspects of mental health and mental illness, issues surrounding addictive disorders. They have over 340 affiliates nationwide and focus on improving mental health via education, advocacy, service and research. For additional help, contact them at 2001 N. Beauregard Street, 12th Floor, Alexandria, VA 22311. Phone (703) 684-7722, fax (703) 684-5968. Mental Health Resource Center (800)969-NMHA. TTY Line (800)433-5959.

In summary, since Addictive Disorders are such an important part of everyday life, and with a variety of solutions and services available to help with treatment and coping, hopefully you can learn more about Overcoming Addictions and share this with others. Knowledge is a key to success.

>>>>Get Quit Addiction Now<<<<<

I am a ClickBank affiliate.  I make a small commission at no additional charge to you.  Please see my affiliate disclaimer.

I am a Target affiliate.  I make a small commission at no additional charge to you. Please see my affiliate disclaimer.